Why I’m Transitioning Away from Veganism…

In the last few weeks it’s become clear to me how silly it is that I am so afraid to share this on the blog and in my life. It’s not healthy to feel guilt for listening to your own body– I should be thanking myself, not telling myself I’ve done something wrong. I have “sinned.”

When it comes to veganism, that is.

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When I created this blog over a year ago, I identified with being a plant-based vegan. As the months wore on and I learned more about health, the body and dietary labels, I started believing less in the label of “veganism” and more in listening to my body. I ate a cruelty-free plant-based diet because it felt good to me, my body felt nourished and fueled, I experienced no stomach problems, I was eating the most ethical and compassionate diet for animals/the earth, and my mind was clear and content.

I was vegan, and it worked.

Then around November my body started telling me things. My roasted veggies and quinoa for dinner were not satisfying me like they once had, and my green smoothies for breakfast were giving me stomach aches and making me feel bloated and overly full. I was shocked! This plant-based lifestyle I had so adored and built my career around was “failing” me… Or so I believed.

I spent the next several months ignoring my body’s internal cues. I longed to try new things that looked and sounded good to me, but ethically I couldn’t do it. I had done so much research, read so many books, watched so many documentaries and personally connected with so many vegans and those against eating animal protein, and I believed wholeheartedly in the lifestyle. I felt that I knew better than to eat animal protein. I was educated, I had will power, and I loved being vegan.

That’s what I kept telling myself. And most days, I believed it. Other days, I knew that I was going to have to eat a bowl of veggies the size of a monster truck to fill me up. Some days, I could hardly eat at all because my biochemistry was so thrown off. Some days, I had wild and ravenous sugar cravings that took over my mind and hindered me from focusing on anything else.

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I also started fearing a LOT of things when it came to food. Having grown up with a notoriously sensitive stomach, I already avoided wheat, fried foods, sauces, oil, flour of any type, some legumes and many grains. Then I started reading about raw foods, digestion, food combining, the space at which meals should be eaten apart from each other, and the dangers of even all-natural fructose. (And let’s not forget my bout with 80/10/10 raw veganism.)

I started living in a bubble of restriction. Entirely vegan, entirely plant-based, entirely gluten-free, oil-free, refined sugar-free, flour-free, dressing/sauce-free, etc. and lived my life based off of when I could and could not eat and what I could and could not combine. There is nothing wrong with any of those things (many of them are great, actually!!) but my body didn’t feel GOOD & I wasn’t listening to it.

Does that sound crazy to you?

Yeah, it sounds crazy to me too. My wake up call came when one of my best friends was in town and we went to get smoothies at Juice Press before spending the day in Central Park. We went to Juice Press because I was the difficult one– I was very limited when it came to breakfast foods, and my friends suggested Juice Press knowing it would make things easier on everyone.

I knew which juice I wanted long before we headed over… A green juice with a tiny bit of apple but not their green juice with more apple juice because that one was too sugary. (If you’re familiar with JP, I wanted ‘Series B’.) We got there, and they didn’t have it. I stared at the juices and smoothies and raw food for a good 15 minutes, panicking, because I had no idea how I was going to navigate this setback. By this time my two friends already had their smoothies and were nearly done with them. Since they’ve known me forever and they know my issues with decision making… They were patient.

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Eventually my roomie Katie suggested we walk to a different Juice Press location, a mile out of our way, to get the juice I wanted. I was so relieved… Or so I convinced myself. My stomach was in knots because I had hardly eaten for days, and my body wasn’t sure it could even walk a mile without any sustenance. And we were at a raw food juice bar! A place where everything on the menu was vegan! I should NOT have been feeling so limited and so helpless.

We walked, I got my juice, sipped it, and was still starving. I needed FOOD & I wasn’t allowing myself to have it for 5 billion reasons in my head that are hard to explain but you’re starting to get the picture.

Things continued to spiral downward for a few more weeks… When my mom and sister were in town, I don’t think I enjoyed a single meal with them. I ate before or after seeing them, panicked that the food at the restaurants we were going to was going to make me feel like crap and throw off my system.

I was also addicted to juice cleanses. I felt that if I cleansed my body like I had done successfully so many times in the past, these cravings and hunger pains and disordered habits would go away.

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I knew I had disordered eating habits, but until I was willing to admit I had developed some variation of an eating disorder I wasn’t going to be able to do anything about it. One night over dinner with my dear friend Tara, someone who I owe every ounce of my realization to… I started to accept it. It kind of came to me all at once – entirely shocking and strangely unsurprising at the same time.

Then I continued to accept it. And I cannot tell you how freeing that was.

I’m not writing about it because I think it’s normal to share such personal aspects of one’s life in such a public place… I actually think it’s very abnormal, and it is counterintuitive for me to be doing this. I’m writing about it because I value you as my readers and friends tremendously, and I think it’s time we ditch the labels.

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It’s time to advocate a lifestyle that doesn’t involve restriction, labeling or putting ourselves into a box. I am extremely passionate about eating ethically and eating whole, plant-based foods from the earth. My original passion for health stemmed from learning about real foods and how they affect our bodies versus chemically-produced and factory farmed disgustingness that is not food.

But that doesn’t mean that living life in moderation is a sin. It’s a beautiful thing… To accept moderation, to accept balance, to allow for happiness and growth and change and fluctuation. Life is an ebb and flow, and our bodies and our mindsets evolve! It is okay to embrace that, and it’s detrimental to our health and our well being not to.

My body was trying to speak to me for many months and I did not listen. As a result, I grew extremely deficient in a variety of vitamins and hormones and knocked myself way out of whack. I injured my ankle doing something that would have never injured me in the past, I lost my period for several months and I experienced a major lack of energy. I ignored my body’s internal cues… And that wasn’t cool.

So, long story short, I am reevaluating my diet. I’m saying goodbye to the labels. I’ve tried organic farm fresh eggs and wild fish from the local farmer’s market. I had some sashimi from an organic restaurant that I very much trust. All in the last couple of weeks. This is terrifying for me and extremely out of my comfort zone after living under the vegan umbrella for so long, but I’m doing it for my physical and mental health.

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I am getting help in other areas too, and I am beyond okay with admitting that. I have always been a huge advocate of therapy and getting to know oneself on a deeper label, and I feel very lucky to be connecting with myself in a whole new way.

This doesn’t mean you are going to see me at a hole in the wall burger joint eating cheeseburgers and downing milkshakes. I still believe in ethical, sustainable food that comes from as close to the earth as possible… Farm raised, locally grown and as organic as can be. I am still against factory farming and the lies that the food industry hides behind, and I still love animals and am as passionate about their rights as ever before.

I am simply taking my health into my own hands, and I am encouraging you to do the same. My philosophy has shifted, and rightfully so. When I came up with the name The Blonde Vegan I was a full-fledged vegan girl who was still in college and had just discovered plant-based eating and was totally enamored by it.

Plants are amazing! Vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts and legumes are beautiful foods from the earth and should be incorporated into as many meals as possible throughout the day. But that’s not ALL that is out there. Some of us need more in order to fuel or bodies properly– especially those of us with extreme “all or nothing” personalities like my own.

Vegan diets can absolutely work if you’re eating a balanced diet. One example, my friend Katie has been vegan for 12 years and lives an extremely healthy lifestyle. She is balanced, and has not experienced the restrictive aspects of the diet like I did. I know countless other people who thrive off of a plant-based diet. I did, for quite some time. And I absolutely respect anyone who chooses that lifestyle. I still think it’s amazing. But sometimes, in some bodies, things change and we have to pay attention to that.

That’s the point… we are all different!

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I have changed, and I ask for your support and acceptance, which I can most assuredly tell you I will give to all of you. ❤

That being said… I’m in the market for a new blog name. I am heart broken about this because The Blonde Vegan has become an extension of who I am, and it will always be a part of me. But as I move my brand forward I do not want to confuse people about my philosophy and what I stand for. As a health coach, I want to help other people learn to eat in the best possible way for their bodies. I want to work with people who have developed “orthorexia,” as I have, and I don’t believe TBV will serve me as a name for those purposes.

Love to all of you. Please share your thoughts with me on all of this. It feels good to be honest, but it’s freaking terrifying. Love to my vegans and love to everyone else– I am still the same compassionate girl I was yesterday, last month and last year.

xojordan

328 thoughts on “Why I’m Transitioning Away from Veganism…

    • Jordan, you need to read the “GAPS Guide” (call 800-899-3413) …and it’s companion the “Gut and Psychology Syndrome” by Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride MD. It’s all about your gut.

      The reason Jordan felt so starved for something else was because she did not eat enough good fats (coconut oil, olive oil, lard, tallow, butter) ONLY from organic/grass fed animals, and plant fats (olives, coconuts). Fat is the saity food. Fats make you much less hungry. Every cell in your body needs fats.

      I’m a Paleo woman myself. Mostly veggies, then protein, good fats, very little fruit (less sweet kind like Goose berries). I ferment my home grown veggies for gut health. Ferment non-gluten grains for bread. We grow our own meat (sheep, goat, chicken) which have a very happy life until shared with us in the form of nutrition. Free Range and organic everything. Get off the grains for sure. No soy. Dairy is bad unless grass fed, organic, and always fermented. Ferment some tea.
      Read ‘Wise Traditions’ by Dr Weston A Price.

      • LOL, it’s always hilarious when people think they seriously know it all. You read a book, congrats. Paleo is a scam, congrats!

        SMH.

      • Cow Girl, since Jordan has said she is aiming for balance now, why would you suggest she hop on another restrictive-diet bandwagon? With another set of ‘rules’ about the best way, the only way, to be healthy? “Get off the grains, for sure”? I say this as a former orthorexic myself. I jumped wholeheartedly on the Paleo bandwagon over two years ago, felt great for a few months, then my health took a nosedive. My temps plummeted, my hair began to fall out, my metabolism suffered. I embraced a ‘moderation is everything’ lifestyle and haven’t looked back. What worked for you doesn’t work for everybody. Let Jordan find her own way.

  1. You are wonderful, I am so proud of you for being so open and honest about this!!!
    I can only image how scary it was to express this in such an open place, but it is wonderful that you encouraging others to listen to their bodies and to not be afraid of ditching the label and trying new things!!!

    Love you always sista ;)

  2. JORDAN! I am so proud of you for talking about this. It can be hard, I know. I was a very strict vegan for about a year and found I suffered from a lot of the same things as you so I ditched the label! I am still a vegetarian but have found so much more freedom and less stress. Eating completely plant-based makes me feel my best, no doubt, but I found that I felt guilty if I craved something that didn’t “fit” my label. I couldn’t deal with it so here I am now. A happy vegetarian who can eat cheesy pizza and not feel bad about it!

    I’m happy for you and completely respect your decision. Listening to your mind and body is the way to go.

    xo

    • THANK YOU, beautiful Christina. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who have been in a similar boat– especially others in the healthy living blog world. That is why I wanted to share this difficult story in the first place, to connect!!! So great to ditch the labels, and so thrilled that you are feeling great with your choices. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  3. Jordan, stay up! Taking care of yourself is absolutely priority. Can I ask, what’s your blood type? I’m a vegan and A+. They say a vegetarian diet is ideal for my blood type, just made me curious as to what yours is. Thanks! Best of luck!

    • THANK YOU, Bailey. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand. That is why I wanted to share this difficult story in the first place. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Not even positive what my blood type is but really should look into it. Will keep you posted, hehe. Xoxoxo

  4. This happens to more to omnivores turned vegans than you know. I guess I have always been a vegan(born and raised) and it is the only thing I know. I did stray during pregnancy(craving for fish sandwiches) but it back fired on me with horrible gas and stomach cramps. Seafood just doesn’t do it for me so I had to listen my body and remember how I felt when I ate that way. The next time I had a craving. For the 36 yrs on earth I have been here it has been vegan foods. You are the third blogger I have lost to diet charge due to what works best for them and I understand but I am not interested in blogs about fish dishes and egg recipes. Maybe Kristen raw blog will assist you she in the last year transitioned from raw vegan to omnivore responsibility sourced. http://kristensraw.com/blog
    I will dig thru old posts about smoothies and other vegan recipes/products. You have to do what is best for you.! If more people listened to what their body is telling them it would be a different world. My body dislikes sugar and if I really listened and was fully comitted I would be 100% raw with organic produce. There are restrictions with all diets raw no cooked food, vegan no dairy, gluten no wheat etc. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Hi, jordan. I hope you get this. I felt exactly like this a year ago, I had been a vegan for 2 years, and last summer, i was hitting a wall, i was becoming a gluten free vegan, and i was more tired then i have ever been, i was google fatigue syndrome, and wavering in my choices to be vegan, my friends would say your tired because you need more protein, that I’m not eating enough ext ext, then out of the blue I stubbled on a book called 801010, and I started the next day on the raw till 4 life style, i had a burst of energy i have never felt, and i was no longer sleeping till noon, i felt satisfied after meals, please try a 30 challenge and see how you feel, also i forgot to mention the digestive issues, you are probably not proper food combining example not to mixing oranges and bananas, or fats and sugar, this lifestyle fixes all that, please try!!!!
    I’m on insta as fruitfullyraw_krista

    • i agree! ive been vegan for 6 years but since trying 801010 I have no more acne or digestive problems…plus i can eat in abundance an feel light as a feather! look up health101.org don bennett is a wealth of knowledge. he claims vegans go back to meat because of an iodine deficiency. i hope you can at least be open to reading different health sources so you can further educate yourself and your readers
      im @celinaeliz on insta! we have spoke before xx

      • I am beyond open to different health sources and if you read my blog regularly you’ll see that I did 801010 for quite some time! Didn’t work for me. Everyone’s different. Appreciate your opinion and very much respect your diet! Xox

  6. I hope you get this. I felt exactly like this a year ago, I had been a vegan for 2 years, and last summer, i was hitting a wall, i was becoming a gluten free vegan, and i was more tired then i have ever been, i was google fatigue syndrome, and wavering in my choices to be vegan, my friends would say your tired because you need more protein, that I’m not eating enough ext ext, then out of the blue I stubbled on a book called 801010, and I started the next day on the raw till 4 life style, i had a burst of energy i have never felt, and i was no longer sleeping till noon, i felt satisfied after meals, please try a 30 challenge and see how you feel, also i forgot to mention the digestive issues, you are probably not proper food combining example not to mixing oranges and bananas, or fats and sugar, this lifestyle fixes all that, please try!!!!
    I’m on insta as fruitfullyraw_krista

  7. hey jordan,
    i’ve been following your blog for a while and can see you’ve had struggles trying to do what we all want to do– take good care of ourselves and the planet. i’m a nurse practitioner and i have great respect for health coaches and other nutrition-based wellness professionals– and i’m so glad to see you embrace the idea of moderation. so many people get stuck when they follow rigid rules forever– and remember, life is a journey. the things that are right for us can change over time, and it doesn’t mean we were wrong before! welcome to your next phase. i hope it serves you well! you are a thinker and a doer, and that’s a lot more than just being a rule-follower! more power to you.
    z.

    • THANK YOU, Zabby. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand– and I agree, rule-followers don’t get nearly as far as those who pave the way for themselves. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  8. Jordan-

    I think you are so brave for sharing this! I think it is perfectly natural for you to transition to incorporating more eggs, fish, etc into your diet because YOU are ever evolving and changing- and it is so important to listen to what your body tells you that it needs. I’m still here to support you and follow along on your journey! What you have changed is 5% of your diet, 95% of your diet is the same- so don’t beat yourself up on the 5% of what is different (and will make you better…which by the way is exactly how I eat- 95% plant-based with an egg or sushi thrown in for the other 5%)

    Continue being brave, and looking forward to the next chapter in your journey :)

    -Abby

    • Abby, THANK YOU. This comment means the world to me and really stuck out to me. I beyond appreciate it and your open-mindedness as a vegan. You rock. 95% is the way to be– moderation and balance!!! So much love to you

  9. Go for it Jordan! Labels are the safest but also the worst thing ever! Not everyone will accept the new you, but it’s their loss, not yours. I admire you for taking the first steps of freedom. Thank yourself for it, it’s a great gift.

  10. I have been in the same exact position for a very long time. This has helped me tremendously to accept that I can begin take steps that may not be “vegan”, but still healthy and ethical. Thank you for your courage in posting this! My body and I thank you!

    • THANK YOU, Joanna. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who have been in a similar boat. That is why I wanted to share this difficult story in the first place. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  11. I totally understand as I also had to listen to my body and transition away for health reasons. I thought it was stupid what the doctor was telling me, how could eating so many whole foods be bad for me. I kept fighting the feelings and how I felt looking for another reason. While a lot of my eating is still “vegan” (I have never really cared for labels or labeled myself or eating) I eat eggs and sea food but will keep listening to my body and giving it what it needs. I avoid dairy and gluten because of how it makes me feel but at the same time do have it when we are out on occasion knowing how it will make me feel and making the choice. It is never easy but the only thing you can do is listen to your body and do what is right for you!
    Avoid negative comments that people may have during this transition as only you know what is best for you. I have also had this fear and really need to keep telling myself how silly it is because I know what is best for me and I need to live with myself nobody else can make choices for me or make me feel anything less then how I feel about me self. You are amazing and strong for taking this step, no matter what anyone says be true to you! <3 <3

    • THANK YOU for such a fabulous comment. So great to connect with others in the healthy blogging community who understand. So much love to you! Xoxox

  12. I made a similar change about 1 year ago. Good for you for listening to your body! I follow you on instagram and I look forward to your upcoming posts. :)

  13. Hi Jordan, I’m a follower of yours on IG (@isaacsbabe) and wanted to let you know how grateful I am you posted this today! I have the same all-or-nothing personality and I am/was headed in the exact same direction that you talk about – so careful about what I eat or allow that it becomes a disorder. Thank you, thank you for writing this – it’s changed my whole perspective and I feel so much relief now knowing it’s okay (and healthier for some!) to be LABEL-FREE! I love fresh fish and some eggs once in a while but would feel so guilty ‘allowing’ it based on my principles. THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO READ. What a huge blessing! Can’t wait to continue following your journey. =) XO! Christine

    • Awww, YAY! Thank you SO much for your support, Christine!!! It seriously means the world to me and then some. It’s hard to be stuck in that all or nothing mindset, but we’ve got this. We can find our LABEL FREE balance. So much love to you!!! Balance all the way. Xoxox

  14. I am very happy to hear that you are listening to what your body is telling you. I completely agree that labels need to be tossed out the window! I was a vegetarian for almost 20 years and recently started incorporating free range chicken and turkey into my diet. It was a very difficult decision for me to make, but one that I am happy that I did. Everyone was very supportive of my decision and I really hope that is the case for you as well! I wish you the best and I hope the foods you have begun to incorporate into your diet help you to feel the best that you can!

  15. Hey Jordan!

    I think it’s so awesome that you are listening to your body. I totally get it. I’ve had similar eating habits to you in the past and that’s why I’ve never been willing to label myself as vegan even though I eat mostly vegan. I’m not willing to completely restrict myself because I know where that leads.

    Labels are just bad news. Nobody fits into a box so why do we still feel the need to try? Just do you and keep being awesome! I’m terrible with names so I have no ideas for the new blog name, but I would suggest maybe keeping blonde out of it too- who knows, you might want to be a brunette one day ;)

    Thanks for sharing your story Jordan!

    • Thanks for the amazing comment, Nikki. Couldn’t agree more that labels are bad news. SO much love to you and so appreciative of the support. Xoxox

    • LOVE that name!!! I really love the idea of incorporating my name into it and also using the alliteration. Fabulous suggestion. So much love to you!

  16. Thank you for your courage & honesty! I have followed you since last summer and love your blog/instagram. Please know that listening to your body and your needs takes precedence over any “duties” to your readers. I look forward to the new direction in your blog content and name… Perhaps Plant-Based Blonde/The Blonde Paleo…? :)

  17. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. <3 As someone who's been vegan for nearly a year now, I've found myself experiencing similar restrictions, and falling into bad places, mentally. Especially when it comes to juice cleanses/detoxing. To hear someone I admire and look up to talk about this subject with honesty and understanding is just amazing. It's really hard sometimes even being slightly involved in the health community not to compare yourself to others, to see all these new lifestyles and diets and fads and think "ok, I should be doing this." And especially as a young woman, body dysmorphia can play a huge role as well–it's hard to balance health, internally and externally, with how you're actually feeling. Thanks for sharing with us, I know it's hard, and we all love you and support you!

    • Awww, thank you SO much for this amazingly kind and heartfelt comment, Max. It humbles me to hear that you, and so many other readers and young girls, have been in such a similar boat. Thank you to the moon and back for sharing, because that is the main and really the only reason that I am sharing all of this info and all of the details of what I’ve been going through. We are all in this together, and it’s time to ditch the labels, ditch the fears, and live the healthiest and most balanced life we possibly can!!! So much love to you. Xoxox

  18. Jordan – I love this and I love you. This was so beautifully written and I applaud, admire and respect you for being so very honest and open about your struggle. I can very much relate as I also have a really all or nothing personality which I work hard every day to combat – to be balanced. What you said here really hit home with me “To accept moderation, to accept balance, to allow for happiness and growth and change and fluctuation. Life is an ebb and flow, and our bodies and our mindsets evolve! It is okay to embrace that, and it’s detrimental to our health and our well being not to.” I literally could not agree more. You have hit the nail on the head in that we are ALL DIFFERENT. It is OK to listen to our bodies and ditch labels. I think we are in very similar places – BIG LOVE!

    • THANK YOU so much, Lauren!! So true that we are all so, so different and we have to do what works best for us and our bodies. Your support means the world to me. So, so much love. Xooxox

  19. So proud of you jojo! You are such an inspiration. Thank you for being BRAVE and honest! You inspire others to do the same for themselves / their health. Amazing!

    • Thank you for being my best friend. Plain and simple. I am freakishly lucky to have you in my life. In the words of Belle Gibson, “Drift on, ladies.”

  20. Hi Jordan,
    I think it’s great that you are acknowledging what your body has been telling you and that you are so open about these struggles and changes on the internet – you are extremely brave! I am not vegan, but I love reading about your life and recipes. I have been a vegetarian for five years, but have developed some grain intolerances and am starting to feel the same way as you – my body can no longer rely just on plant-based foods. I have introduced fish into my diet, and always feel much better when I eat it. On an ethical level, it hurts to have seafood in my diet, but physically, I always feel much better, with lots of energy, feeling full for much longer, etc. Sometimes, you just can’t label yourself!
    Looking forward to seeing your new blog name. I am terrible at coming up with these things (I could only come up with Jade’s Kitchen for myself, and have also been thinking of changing my blog name).

    • Thank you so, so much Jade!! I seriously appreciate the comment and the kind words, and I am so happy to hear that you understand and that you have experienced similar things. It’s time to ditch the labels!! So important to listen to our bodies. And yes, sticking to a primarily plant-based life is GREAT but there are other things we can incorporate too. We can still be compassionate, ethical people supporting sustainable food. Let me know if you think of any blog names! ;) xox

  21. I am sorry to hear you are going such a tough time. I am a bit saddened by this post though. I completely understand undergoing severe digestive issues and having it affect your quality of life. I’ve gone through the same thing. I am curious though why you think ditching veganism for good is the solution? Is your body really that against plant-based foods? I don’t understand why instead, you don’t give up the whole oil-free, flour-free, sugar-free, juice cleansing part of your diet instead. Perhaps you would find a less restrictive vegan diet would do wonders for your stomach. It did for me! I also sought out therapy when I was really suffering and it helped a lot! We worked to eliminate my fear of food and get back on track with normal eating routines. I really hope that you consider letting plant-based eating still be a big part of your diet once you get your stomach issues back under control. Hope you don’t take this post offensively! I am only trying to offer some advice from my own experiences and respect your decision. Feel better soon!

    • Hi Karissa! Thanks for the kind words and also for the concern. I totally get what you are saying, and trust me I have tried all of that over the past several months. Right now it is healthiest for me to let go of any and all restrictions and try to focus on getting my balance back. Since I do have food allergies and intolerances, there are foods I have to avoid in the first place. Oil, gluten and sugar are three of those things, so sadly I don’t have the luxury to reintroduce all of those things back into my vegan diet and still feel good and healthy. I will still be primarily plant-based, and the blog will either be entirely or primarily plant-based, but I am definitely making some changes. Thanks for always being a supporter! Xo

  22. Hi Jordan,
    SO SO HAPPY you posted this. I went through the same exact thing and became so unhappy with all the restrictiveness and my body and mind couldn’t handle it anymore. I now just recently got into getting more of a variety of protein sources in my diet and I feel so much better and my body and mind thanks me for it. I admit it’s not a walk in the park at times but in the end my mind and body feels so much better. I feel that in our society these days labels mean too much and we really need to stay away from it. Labels lead to restriction and restriction leads to unhealthy choices. I am a full beliver in listening to your own body and doing what it right for you. Whole foods, sustainability, organic, and happiness/enjoyment of FOODS is what I believe in now. Just because I now eat foods that I didn’t before doesn’t change my character or judgment – food choices doesn’t and shouldn’t define you. You define yourself. Thank you for sharing and hope you know that there are a lot like you and me who go through this. :)

    Much love from a fellow Sactown gal living in LA :)

    • Sally, THANK YOU for such an amazing comment. I am beyond thrilled to connect with you about this and we will have to chat more about it in the future. Food choices should NOT define us– so beautifully stated. I can always count on a Sactown sista to keep it real :) so much love to you!!!

  23. Hey Jordan
    I support you! I think this is so cool, this shows that we are all human, and I really think that it’s a very important statement that you have done – it’s so important to listen to yourself and your body and to speak it out loud even if you are terrified about it.
    You are a big BIG inspiration for me, and after this blogpost you’ve become even bigger!
    You are a very cool person – I wish we could meet someday for a chat about life in general:-) Tell me if you come to visit Copenhagen in the future :-)
    Much love and best wishes from Denmark ;)

    • Hi Frederikke!! Thank you for the amazing comment. I so, so, soooo appreciate it. And I hope that we can meet one day in person as well!! Hopefully I will make it to Copenhagen sooner than later!! Sending you so much love xoxox.

  24. Honestly.. I’m happy you’re taking your health back into your own hands! buut that being said I completely disagree that it’s “restricting” to label yourself as vegan. Veganism didn’t put those restrictions there for you- you did! And I’m really sorry you’re going through that but issues can be worked out while still being VEGAN. It’s not just a diet and it’s not just about you. Most vegans who stay vegan do it for ethical reasons and sometimes wanting to be healthy doesn’t keep them on this lifestyle. While I respect your decision I disagree with a lot of your points and I hope this post or generally people who give up on Veganism don’t put off people from trying it. Best of luck :) I hope you feel better this way!

  25. Hi Jordan!
    Thanks for sharing this incredibly motivational post. It takes a lot of strength to be honest with yourself and even more courage to share it on the interwebs :) I admire you for taking a step back and re-evaluating your priorities and seeking help in order to do so. Ditching labels (whether they are with regards to food or other things) is so rewarding so I am glad you are experiencing this freeing opportunity. Regardless of your eating habits and preferences I will continue to follow your blog as there is so much more to your posts than simply the ingredients you consume! Best of luck with this transition and I look forward to reading more from a happier, healthier you!

    • Yes, thank you so much for your support Maddi!!! It seriously means the world to me and then some. Thank you for acknowledging that there is so much more to the blog than my dietary preferences. So much love to you!!! Balance all the way. Xoxox

  26. Girl I am so glad you are listening to your body. I think it’s normal to ignore cues at first but I’m glad you’re in tune with your body enough to recognize them. I don’t think you should apologize to anyone either–this is something you are doing for YOU to better YOU. You are very inspirational my dear :) Xoxo

    • Erin, THANK YOU! You rock. You know how much I love you. Thank you for your support and you know you inspire me every day. Xox

  27. Hi Jordan,

    It’s funny, all your posts are always SPOT ON in coordination with my life. I too very recently came to the realization that I was developing orthorexic tendencies. It really freaked me out and I realized that having an unhealthy relationship with food is worse than eating any of the “bad foods” I had been afraid of. I too recently started incorporating small amounts of fish and occasionally eggs into my diet. I feel bad ethically for doing this at times, but it’s easier not having so many restrictions. I honestly believe that if you eat from sustainable and ethical sources and it makes you feel better, why not. And if you feel like being vegan again later in life, do it! If not, thats okay too. It is your body and your life. Do what makes you feel the best mentally and physically :)

    xo from Canada

    • Wow, Olivia, it really humbles me to hear that you, and so many other readers and young girls, have been in such a similar boat. Thank you to the moon and back for sharing, because that is the main and really the only reason that I am sharing all of this info and all of the details of what I’ve been going through. We are all in this together, and it’s time to ditch the labels, ditch the fears, and live the healthiest and most balanced life we possibly can!!! So much love to you. Xoxox

  28. Wow. Jordan! This post is absolutely amazing, inspiring, and so well-written. I am insanely proud of you for discovering this, being able to talk about it!!!! You continue to inspire me every time I read your blog. I know that you will be stronger because of this and learn even more about who you are! You can do this Jordan! I’m 15 and I’ve been having a lot of the same struggles this year; I’m so comforted knowing that I’m not the only one who has issues like this. I’ve been extremely conflicted as to how I should eat, I’ve had insanely horrible stomach issues this year, and haven’t really known what to do, which stressed me out even more! I really connected to this post and I am so thankful that I found your blog this year!!! Being afraid of food and focusing on it too too much is no fun, it’s especially hard when you’re a food blogger!!! I am always here for encouragement and will always love your blog, no matter if you’re the Blonde Vegan or the Blonde Carnivore!!!! ;) After reading this post, I immediately told my mom and she was SO happy to hear that you are able to voice this and get through this.We love your blog! I can’t wait to see where this journey takes you and I know you will be better, happier, and balanced soon! Wishing you the absolute best!!! Isabel :-)

    • Awww, Isabel, THANK YOU! You know how much your continued support means to me, and I feel so lucky to connect with a healthy, like-minded sweet and wonderful young girl like yourself. Please tell your mom that I appreciate her support as well, and I am so grateful to have you both as readers! We will all get through these disordered eating habits and the fixations with labels– I am determined to get the word out there as much as possible and live the healthiest and most balanced life I can live, and I want the same for you and for all of my readers!! Sending you so much love and happiness. Xoxox

  29. Dear Jordan,
    I salute you and support you in this amazing epiphany you have had with your lifestyle.
    It is especially difficult to be in the public eye and do what you’re doing but you will help more people now after being open and honest for sure and what can be more fulfilling than having a positive impact on others as you improve your own situation.
    Eight months ago I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. After a complete hysterectomy my doctor recommended chemotherapy for 8 months and a total change in my eating habits. Not that might eating habits were bad but they were not what he envisioned for my ability to best fight cancer. My wonderful doctoris also a board certified integrative medical doctor besides being a gynecological oncologist.
    He told me I needed to eat only organic fruits and vegetables, NO DAIRY, as well as organic eggs and wild fish. So I called this Vegan PLUS, the plus of course being eggs and fish. He also said not to deprive myslef if I want meat or chicken just not to often and make sure its organic grass fed. Sounds great and I welcomed the change and took it on with a passion.
    However, not too long after, I also had a shock to my body (after a month and a half of this new diet) plus the chemo. I was hospitalized with an intestinal blockage and was reversed to what most people would call the most unhealthy diet on earth….. a low residue diet of white crackers, white toast, white potatoes and broths because that’s all that sat well in my tummy for a while. By month four I was back to vegan plus diet with a limited amount of raw vegetables. What I’m trying to tell you is we need to listen to our bodies and go with it. We are all different and what’s great for one person is not always great for the other. I am now in the last week of chemo and after 8 months I look forward to continuing eating clean, organic sustainable food and feeling better each day.
    I am so happy you are also coming face to face with your limited and restricted eating. I know some people who need help with that and would love if you could share the resources of who can help someone I know in NYC who has disordered eating.
    Again good luck and maybe your new name will be the “BALANCEDBLONDVEGANPLUS”. 0t “TBBV+”
    Much love and support to you,
    Barbara

    • Barbara, this comment has majorly stuck out to me among the rest and I have to tell you one million times over, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. TBBV+ is an amazing name, and I am SO in love with the concept of the Vegan Plus diet. I admire you so much for what you have been through and your positive outlook on things, and thank you to the moon and back for your support. I am so thrilled to hear that you are doing well, and that a clean, organic and sustainable diet is helping you to feel better. I am always here and I support you and your journey!! Thank you for reading. Sending you tons of love! Xox

  30. Hi Jordan!
    When I went vegan back in November, your blog was one of the first that I came across. I was drawn to your writing because you and I share a lot of the same philosophies and it was refreshing to read a vegan blog that was so in line with my way of thinking. Thank you for sharing this personal choice, as I know it’s hard to come to terms with. After being fully vegan for the last 7 months, I’ve recently started reintroducing eggs, fish, and a little dairy. I feel my best when I eat completely vegan, but sometimes it is not always the easiest thing. I really hate feeling like “that” friend so I can totally relate to your experience. I just don’t want to feel guilty if I don’t eat “vegan” sometimes. I think having that freedom and moderation is important! So this post really couldn’t have come at a better time for me! It definitely helps me come to terms with my decision as well, and I look forward to reading whatever else you come up with!
    Take care,
    Melissa

    • Thank you so, so much for the support and love Melissa. It is so wonderful to have such amazing readers that have truly become friends to me– can’t wait to continue connecting with you throughout this new journey of mine!! Xoxox

  31. I’m so proud of you Jordan! It’s so nice to see that you are actually thinking about your body and what it needs. It takes a ton of courage to post such a deep and personal blog post. I am still too shy to make personals posts. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to share my disorders from 5th grade up until 2 years ago. I’ve gone through a whole lot and I must say that your blog has made me commit to being vegan. By any means, I am not disappointed or mad at the fact that you are no longer vegan. I will still follow you everyday and look up to you. Plus now that I’ve been vegan for 3 months now, I’m sure I will have struggles along the way. You have given me a little heads up of some possible challenges that I will face and I love that I can always count on you for help and support. I can’t wait to follow you on this next journey in your life. And when you move to LA, I will for sure have to come to your events and yoga sessions!! It’s funny how I just changed my blog name and took your advice on having my name in it. I absolutely loved that you suggested LindsayEatsVegan but since my blog has random posts about my life, I chose LindsayLivingVegan (plus my initials are LL, so LL Vegan for short). I LOVE the suggestion of Blonde & Balanced since it still has blonde in it from The Blonde Vegan and I also really like Jordan’s Journey. It you plan on having blonde hair forever then Blonde & Balanced is the winner! lol! Again, I cant wait for everything in your future! You’re such a great role model :)

    • Thank you so much, sweet girl!!! Wow, I am so proud of you for committing to veganism and for recovering from your rocky past with eating disorders. So inspiring to me and I’m sending you tons and tons of love for sharing that with me. I can’t wait to connect when I am in LA!! Thanks for the awesome suggestions. I love them all. Still cannot decide!! Will keep you all very posted. Xoxoxox

  32. Hi Jordan! This was so incredibly brave of you to share, and I really support you listening to your body and staying healthy, sane, and relaxed about food choices, these are so important! I know a lot of other vegan bloggers have been through similar experiences to yours, like Alexandra Jamieson (you might really connect to her post “why I’m not vegan any more”) and sometimes, we have to remember humans are animals, and sometimes animals have to eat other animals. I’m a new vegan, I transitioned at the beginning of the year and I really love this lifestyle, but I really connect to what you’re saying and your restrictive experience with veganism. I was just wondering if you think being restrictive with yourself might have caused the problems and discomforts you experienced, rather then a plant based lifestyle in general? Also I was wondering if you think you might not have experienced these problems if you were able to be more varied in your diet, and what made you choose to reincorporate animal protein sources, versus more nutrient dense plant foods? Sorry for all the questions, I just find it’s really helpful to gain from other’s experience and it also helps me learn more about my plant-based lifestyle and my decision to stick with it.

    Best of luck on your journey,

    xx
    Lindsey

    • THANK YOU so much Lindsey. I am so thankful for your support and love. I have heard a lot about Alexandra lately and cannot wait to connect with her and read her post and her books. My restrictions absolutely caused a lot of the difficult I was having. If I were able to be more varied, that would have helped. I do believe a vegan diet can work for many people but above all you have to listen to your body and it’s internal cues and do what works for you. Sending you so much love. Xoxox

  33. What an honest beautiful post! I totally respect and admire your honesty and I think it’s AMAZING that you are doing what’s best for you. I went through a similar thing with veganism. I went vegan in 2009 and stuck to it for about 1.5 years, but then found (while marathon training) that I really wasn’t feeling all that fantastic. I went back to eating some meat, eggs, and minimal dairy for 2012. But by the end of 2012, I wasn’t liking how I was feeling (again). I embraced veganism again for all of 2013, but this time around I’ll have organic eggs sometimes and dairy does slip in here and there. Still no meat for me. I’ve also found that adding more tempeh and tofu in my diet has been crucial. Thanks again for sharing your journey. It’s absolutely not about labels like you said, just about being happy and healthy!

    • THANK YOU so much beautiful girl. Wow, it is so interesting to hear your story and so humbling to know that I am not alone. It’s not about the label, it’s about being happy and healthy!! Thank you so much for the support and understanding!! Sending you tons and tons of love. Xoxox

  34. Well first of all i admire your courage to come here and state that.. Vegan people sometimes are really extremist and i believe you know so many vegans and they will probably judge you or even ban you from they life heheh
    But i have to say that your life and your choices are no ones business..
    I became a vegetarian 2 months ago.. my reason is totally spiritual, i just cant eat the body of another being anymore.. and ive been seen as an alien from all my friends.. and i just don’t care what they think.. it is the way im finding my balance. I eat eggs, dairy and honey, and i have no intention to stop with that.. i always try to eat more clean and natural food.. more organic and sustainable.. but we cant forget we are not living inside a jungle and sometimes this is quite a challenge, so just go easy on yourself and listen to your soul. as long as you are in peace with yourself, is what counts. don’t try to please everyone.. is never going to happen. . your conscious is what have to judge you always. Only yourself knows what is better or not for you.

    Love

    D

    • Thank you SO much for your opinions, support, and love, Daniella. Seriously means the world to me. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. Xoxoxox

  35. The reason why so many people come “visit” with you is not because you were/are Vegan. It was because you are so funny, honest, sweet, smart, the list goes on… You are an inspiration for so many of us. Please ignore any hate you receive from your “reveal”. We <3 you :)

    • THANK YOU, Jenn!!! That is the most inspiring and wonderful thing I have heard, and means the world to me. I was hoping that people’s motivation for reading the blog was for who I am and not because of my dietary preferences. Love love love to you. Xoxox

  36. Jordan,

    I couldn’t agree with you more on everything you just shared. Listening to your body is the most important thing. I’m so proud of you for staying true to yourself and moving forward with a lifestyle that is best suited for you. Here at WorldLifestyle, we support you 100%

    Much love <3
    Kate

    • Thank you so much, Kate! WorldLifestyle has always been such a supportive space for me with all the ups and downs of my health journey. It seriously means the world. So lucky to have such a great WL family!! Xox

    • Love you so much, Bexicon. So lucky to have you as a bestie. Xoxoxo can’t wait to be back living in walking distance from you and finding balance again with my main soul sista!

  37. I’m a new follower of your blog and happen to be facing a similar predicament. I admire your courage to be stronger than the power of food, persuasion, and speculation of how you may be perceived given this transition. I am excited to follow your journey as you have given me hope I can still be a good person with ethical values while honoring my body’s cues for wellness, even if that means deviating from a plant-based lifestyle that I love. Thank you for posting this today!

    • Aww, Tara, thank you so, so much. That is one of the most articulate comments I have read all day and your support 110% means the world to me. Thank you. It’s okay to deviate, and actually very healthy and wonderful to be in tune with your body’s needs. Sending you tons of love. Xoxoxo

  38. Jordan- Thank you for being so brave, open and honest! I’m a huge fan of your blog and have been taking recipes and advice from it for a couple months now in my own journey to find the best diet for me and my body. I’m also a VERY black and white thinker, especially when it comes to diet. It’s taken me a lot of mental work to come to the realization that I can never be 100% one “diet category” or the other. I’ve been struggling to find that happy medium that says “i’m pretty much plant-based, but will have some cheese when I feel like it and won’t get mad at myself”. Life happens. I even had a hot dog this past weekend. I felt really really guilty because it goes against what I believe. But life goes on and so do i. Thank you for being an inspiration for me & I know you’ll continue to do so!

    xo Sara

    • THANK YOU, Sara for your amazing and kind and inspiring words!!! So nice to connect with another black & white thinker– happy mediums are okay!! We’ve got this, we can make it work!! Thank you for reading and for your lovely support. So much love xoxox

  39. Love your blog, I’ve been following it for a while now and enjoy reading about all your adventures. I can totally relate to getting a little crazy with the vegan label and suffering consequences from it mentally and physically. I have now incorporated eggs from my farmers market and occasionally fish as well. It was so scary having to say I wasn’t vegan anymore and I hated it because I felt so guilty but forget labels we do what we want :)

    • Thank you so much, Sami. We all have to learn to shed those detrimental labels!! We need to eat real food good for our bodies and the earth, and feed our cravings and our souls. Sending you so much love! Xoxox

  40. wow! i just discovered your blog today.. i logged in to check out the TBV apparel. your post about ditching labels is awesome. very inspiring. listen to our bodies. such simple, and sound advice. thank you for being so candid & sharing.

    • Thank you so much, Julia!!! Love your blog name, BTW. In the market for a new blog name so tell me if you have any ideas my quirky lil carrot!! Xox

  41. This is so awesome and you are SO brave! Good for you for being able to listen to your body and make that change. I don’t know you but I’m proud of you. Loved your blog before (and I wasn’t a vegan) but I think I’ll love it even more now.

    • Thank you SO MUCH, Kaleigh. Your words and support mean the world to me. Cannot wait to continue connecting with you. Sending you so much love. Xoxoxox

  42. This was truly inspiring.

    I have been reading your blog for quite a while now and I love your attitude, insight, recipes and most of all your honesty about navigating the food world. I have had the hardest time with eating and like you I struggle with all kinds of food restrictions- whether necessary for my body or just mental. It is definitely on going and I am still desperately trying to find out what works for me. Reading this post makes me feel like I’m not alone! It is really a relief. Thank you for your posts and inspiration and I know you will come up with a tremendous name for your blog and I will continue to be an avid reader!

    Thanks for being so encouraging to your readers!
    Devan

    • Thank you SO much, Devan!!! This comment means the world to me. I can’t tell you how much your support as a reader impacts me. Sending you so much love, and looking forward to connecting throughout this new journey of mine!! Xoxox

  43. So much respect and love for you! I hope that going forward you find yourself in a happier, more balanced place – we all deserve that! I really connected with what you said about before you were able to make any changes you had to admit to yourself what was going on. When I was restrictive a few years ago, I didn’t want to admit it. Finally I told myself that what I was doing – “cleansing” (on things I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole nowadays like deli sliced turkey wtf), because a diet book told me to do, it every three months – I was able to break that cycle. Now I know that if I need a detox, I need to do it healthfully, and in general, I need to eat more calories and more fat. I think it’s a lesson that a lot of people have to learn, listening to your own body, and there is no shame in that, which is why I am so proud of you writing this post. It was beautiful and honest. Whatever TBV turns into, I’ll be reading. xxoo

    • Ang, THANK YOU for your amazingly kind words and your support. You know how much I admire your blog and your healthy approach to food, and I know I am on the road to getting there. It’s all about balance! And we do all deserve it. Thank you for sharing a slice of your story with me. So much love to you xoxox

  44. I applaud you for this post. I was vegetarian for many years but over the last few years I started incorporating organic and free range turkey, chicken, eggs…etc. My body, after many years not eating meat of any kind, started telling me that I needed more substance than what I had been giving it for so long. I still try to eat as vegetarian as possible but when my body tells me I need eggs, chicken, etc I don’t deprive it. Sometimes I get frowned upon from other vegans and veggies but I take it in stride. My body/health has to come first. I continue to be as ethical as I possibly can which almost sounds like an oxymoron. Continue to take care of yourself! And don’t ever let anyone tell you what you should/should not be eating. Stay in tune to what your body is telling you it needs.

    • Thank you so, so much Courtney. It’s so important to listen to our bodies. I could not agree more. Sending you so, so much love and light and am so thrilled to continue connecting with you on this amazing journey toward health. Xoxox

  45. Wow, Jordan, this was so helpful to me! We talked a little bit through email once, and I told you about my stomach problems and dealing with trying different foods to figure out the diet that would work for me. Through reading this and some info on orthorexia, I feel like I may also be struggling with this. I feel extremely guilty when I stray from my diet, my calories are not right, or I don’t meet my own expectations of “healthy” eating. I always wish I could just listen to my body and eat what it is telling me to, but I feel so out of control if I do that. Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to deal with this myself, and try to learn to listen to my body and let go of control.

    • Aww, Jamie, thank you for this amazing comment. I am so thrilled to hear that you are going to deal with your potential orthorexic habits and listen to your body. You deserve it. It’s hard to accept, but oh so worth it. I am sending you so much love along the way. We’ve got this!!!

  46. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. It is so hard to admit these things to yourself. It’s so easy to be in control – and by in control I mean over control – by restricting everything you put in your body. Your body hates you for it though… I’ve definitely been there. If you ever need to chat, hit me up girlie!

    How do you feel about the Blonde Former Vegan??

    • Cassie, THANK YOU!! Your support means the world to me and I am so glad to hear that you can understand. It is tough, tougher than ever to let go of that over-control, but soooo unbelievably worth it. I LOVE The Blonde Former Vegan, annndd I love The Blonde Not So Vegan. Worried that it will enrage continuing vegans… highly considering it though :)

  47. Hey girl! You deserve a hug for this blog post. I know it took a lot of courage to post this. I highly respect and admire you for recognizing that you needed to make some changes for your health. I’m looking forward to reading future posts of what changes you are making in your diet and I hope you find the balance that is right for you! Whatever you new blog name will be I’ll still be faithfully reading!

    • Thank you SO much, Sky. Your comment and your support mean the absolute world to me. I am thrilled to continue connecting with you as I take my next steps… my fellow Blonde blogger :) :) xoxox

  48. I love this post Jordan! I always love reading about and trying some of your smoothie recipes. I am by no means Vegan, but I love eating healthy and doing yoga on the reg-just like you! I had someone very close to me develop an extremely serious and scary eating disorder, and it is something that so many girls (and guys) struggle with, but few will open up about. It can be embarrassing to many, and I watched someone close to me be in denial about the disorder until serious intervention was needed. So many of us need brave people like you to come out about it and make others realize that it is okay to accept a disorder and take the steps necessary to reach recovery. Who knows-this post could have very possibly saved a life! Life is about reflecting, and it is amazing that you took a step back and reflected on what you needed to be your happiest self and live your life to the fullest, rather than just going through the motions. No one can judge your decision unless they have walked in your shoes. All that matters is that you are happy and healthy, and those people that care about you in life will stand by you every step of the way. Xo!

    • Colleen, thank you SO much for the amazing comment and for sharing that story with me. It is so hard to be close to someone who is struggling with an eating disorder… and it is also something that is so hard to bring up and discuss. To hear you say that this post could possibly have saved a life made my day and makes it all worth it to me– that is why I share and talk about the hard stuff, because I want to show people that listening to our bodies is worth it and we all deserve to feel our best and our healthiest. Sending you so much love and can’t wait to continue connecting throughout this new journey!! Xoxox

  49. You continue to inspire me Jordan – like you., this post is amazing. ! Your winter cleans was so good, I plan to take the summer one after my vacation in July. Thank you for helping me stay on my vegan path and I wish you all the
    best as you make your own path.

    - Joe

    • Joe, thank you so much for the support and for the amazing comment. I am so glad that you enjoyed the winter cleanse and can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the summer cleanse. So happy to have you as a reader. Lots of love

  50. Hi Jordan,

    First off, I think I was next to you at Moda Yoga last week; I regret not saying hi but wasn’t 100% sure if it was you. If it was, now is my chance to officially say hi :)

    Thank you so much for posting this. Having been vegetarian for the past five years, I abided by a vegan diet for three years until last summer. After years of eating plant-based proteins, my stomach could no longer handle the aches caused by bean and soy indigestion. About a year ago, I switched to incorporating organic egg whites into my diet and my every day digestion has improved dramatically. My fiance even mentioned to me last week how I haven’t complained of a stomach ache in months. I’m now contemplated adding fish back in sparingly; a trip to Japan I took two years ago left me in tears because I felt so much guilt over wanting to eat fresh sushi. It all seems so silly in retrospect.

    I felt tremendous guilt initially over my decision to stray from eating vegan. However, removing yourself from a label is so freeing. You don’t have to justify your decision to anyone, but I’m so glad you shared it publicly as an example for others. I stand behind you!

    Warm regards,
    Katie

    • Katie, wow. It is amazing to hear from you and hear how similar our stories have been. And how funny that we were right next to each other in yoga!!! That was definitely me, as I go to Modo every day. Which class were we in together?! Please do say hi if we run into each other again. I would absolutely love that. I am so thrilled to hear that you are starting to feel less guilt about making some dietary changes, because all in all if we aren’t able to be compassionate toward our own bodies… then what is the point of being compassionate to other sentient beings? Love yourself first. And YAY for no more stomach aches!!! Sending you so much love! Xoxox

  51. Jordan, I have been following you since you started your blog and as you know I am not a Vegan. I follow you because I love what you are doing, thank God we can get rid of the labels. You are lucky at your age you understand life ebbs and flows and we change, our body’s changes. I am really looking forward to your adventure with food I think all of us will really benefit from it. You are doing a wonderful blog thank you so much for sharing.

    • Cheri, thank you so much for the amazing comment. I love you so much and am so thrilled to have you and Craig as my parent’s best friends, and as two supporters and people I love who mean the world to me. Sending you tons of love and can’t wait to see you in a few short weeks!

  52. Great post. And a very difficult decision. I have the same difficulties with a vegan diet as you- I have tried to go vegetarian/vegan many times, and I have never felt “right” on it. Too restricted, too carb heavy, for me to feel my best. I have defaulted to “what feels right,” and am still figuring that out, because I have a very sensitive system like you do! It’s a process- a long one! Vegetarian foods are still my favorites, the ones I crave, I just can’t eat them 100% of the time and feel strong.

    • Thank you so, so much, Michelle. We can never go wrong when we choose what feels right!!! It is a process. Sending you so much love. Xoxox

  53. Jordan,

    This was a magnificent thing to read- I’m sure it was extremely difficult to share, but hearing about your journey is so inspiring and exactly why we all came here. I have been a vegetarian for 10 years, but have still found your blog amazingly inspiring for your focus on health and wellness with a priority of listening to your body! I also struggle with some disordered eating habits, and your blog reminded me that it was ok to do what you need and eat what you crave in order to feel your best. That is the true focus of your blog, not veganism, and I for one am so excited about the changes coming this way soon. If anything, I think you’ll find yourself in an even larger pool of people who make health a priority, not just one lifestyle.

    Best of luck with the transition! I have considered reintroducing fish and chicken into my diet recently, and while I ultimately decided it’s not the path I need to take right now, I cannot express what a relief it was to hear that others experience this too, and that I should be ok with embracing some new changes if I need to. It is scary to think about making such a huge life change after 10 years, so I look forward to following, and possibly being inspired by, your new journey!

    Consider me one reader who will be even more excited than before about checking for updates!

    • Thank you SO much, Laurel!!! Your comment means the world to me. I am so thrilled to hear you say that listening to our bodies and paying attention to our own wellness philosophies is the true focus of my blog– because that’s how I have felt all along and what I have always wanted to portray. Now I can finally truly practice what I preach. It is absolutely okay for you to listen to your body, and I SO appreciate your words and support. Right back at you. Xoxox

  54. Hi Jordan,

    Good on you. I can truly associate with what you have just described and I can’t congratulate you enough for posting something so personal like this.

    I have to admit something to you… I started following you about a year ago, purchased your 5day cleanse and absolutely loved it. However, I slowly started to move towards a too restricted diet and when I realised it I actually stopped following you. As you explained, I think that it is so easy to (without realising) start to become way to restrictive with your diet. I would watch my family eat completely normal dinners but I was always complicated with my meals and did not want to eat what they were eating. There was a stage where I became really upset and realised I had developed an eating disorder which I was shocked about because all my life I had always been someone who was extremely balanced. My friends helped me so much and so did my family. I just ditched the whole restricted diet thing which I had created for myself and my first step was to just start eating what my family was eating at dinner.

    I was surprised by how quickly my body felt better. I started to eat dairy again and guess what – it wasn’t giving me stomach issues anymore! On the contrary, cheese and milk helped me feel full for longer. I also think that seafood is amazing and so good for you. There are sooo many ways to eat seafood (and meat) in a sustainable way.

    I could keep on writing for ever but I don’t want my post to be too long! Long story short, I am following you again and caught up on your posts! I’m still obsessed with your recipes :) I am even more looking forward to your blog now because it will have much more balanced recipes for me which is so awesome. I’m also so happy to hear that you are on the path to get better and feel better!! Good luck with it all! And like you said, ‘no labels’ and, honestly, ***k what other people think and if anyone is going to judge you for your decision then they can just bugger off.

    You are just such a talented writer and amazing at coming up with innovative vegan recipes that you may have just been a bit too carried away by the whole thing which is completely normal! Now you’ve just realised it and are addressing it which is just perfect and in no time everything will feel right again I am sure :)

    Lots of love xxx

    • Camille, WOW!!! I don’t even know where to begin. I have received a lot of comments, emails, messages, texts, phone calls, and words from people since my post yesterday, but I cannot even begin to explain how much yours has stuck out in my mind. I am moved to tears even thinking about the words that you shared with me, and I can’t thank you enough for your honesty and candidness in sharing your story. I struggled for many months not only because of my dietary choices and being stuck in such a label, but because I knew I was promoting a label to my followers and readers that I wasn’t entirely 100% behind anymore… and I tried to advocate listening to your body, but it was hard when I was still behind the label of “the blonde VEGAN” !!! To hear that you struggled with an eating disorder and had to stop following me breaks my heart, but mainly because of how much I understand. I too stopped following many people who’s photos and words and philosophies triggered my eating disorder, or disordered eating patterns that took over my life. I get it. I am so unbelievably and overwhelmingly happy that you will be able to follow along again, and that we can reconnect and get healthy together again in this amazing journey toward health, happiness and self-love. Now it’s time to practice what I truly preach– letting go of the labels, being OURSELVES and listening to our bodies. Sending you so, so much love. Xoxox

  55. Even more respect for you now! I’ve struggled with the same thing… but i’ve learned to do what is right for you and your body no matter what. xx

    • Aww thank you so much, Kendra. This comment means the world to me. We’ve got this, and we will be kind to our bodies. So much love to you. Xox

  56. I am so happy to see this post on your blog! I think that it can be dangerous to get too caught up in labels and can even impede your health journey. When are constantly feeling like you have to fit into a label, it is easy to ignore signs that your body is giving you, or feel like you constantly have to live up to someone else’s standards for health, even if it is not working for your body. It takes a lot of courage to come out like this to your readers who have known you as “The Blonde Vegan” for so long, but this change will no doubt let you lead a happier lifestyle. The most important thing to remember is to be connected with your body, and by listening to your intuition instead of a label or lifestyle that bloggers (aggressively) advocate, you are so much closer to establishing a deep connection. I’m glad that you decided to share this with your blogging community; it makes you even more relatable as a person. I can’t wait to continue to support your website through these changes!

    • Yes, Jess, so true!!! So difficult and dangerous getting caught up in labels and it can definitely impede our health journey. Thank you so, so much for the support. It means the world to me and cannot wait to continue connecting with you. Sending you so much love. And yes, I will always be TBV !!! :) :)

  57. Girl! I loved this post. I can’t remember how I stumbled upon your blog about 6 months ago, but I’ve really enjoyed it. I’m not a vegan (or even a vegetarian), and yet I always enjoy your posts. It’s so important to listen to your body. About a year ago I started being extremely restrictive in my diet, skipping out on social events for fear of the food there, and just becoming obsessed. I felt like because I wasn’t dropping a ton of weight I couldn’t possibly have an eating disorder. While I didn’t have anorexia or bulimia, I believe I most certainly had a disordered pattern of eating. That paired with my 6 days a week workout schedule just caused my body to rebel, and it hasn’t yet righted itself. I believe I’ve relaxed enough so that I can still have a healthy diet but not be paranoid and obsessed. I couldn’t read all of the comments here, but I skimmed and saw a ton of positivity! I hope that remains constant. I don’t recall ever reading a post of yours criticizing an omnivore which means you understand that everyone needs a different diet to fit their body. I hope others can recognize that as well and refrain from spreading negativity here. Thanks for your honesty, and cheers to getting healthy!

    • Wow, thank you so much for sharing a slice of your story with me, Ashley!!! I really appreciate it and really adore the support and love. I am humbled by the positivity that people have shown me since this decision, and am shocked to hear how many people have had similar struggles. I am sending you so, sooo much love and light and look forward to continuing to connect throughout this new journey of mine!! Xoxo

  58. Good luck on your difficult journey recovering from disordered eating! If you haven’t already, I highly highly encourage you to check out the “green recovery” series on choosingraw.com and sayward’s experience of being a sick vegan at bonzaiaphrodite.com.

    • Thank you so, so much Jo. I will absolutely check both of those out!! Great recommendations. Gena from Choosing Raw is a friend of mine and I appreciate her advice more than anything!

    • Thank you so much, sweet girl. I am pleased to hear that you have picked up a sense that this was coming… because I have been struggling for a while and have been trying to be as honest and open about that as possible along the way. Xox

  59. Jordan, I want to thank you for this amazing post. It could not have come at a better time for me. Just today, I removed “vegan” from my social media profiles because it was a label I felt that I did not fit. I switched to veganism about 7 months ago and by and large the effect has been positive. However, I am extremely Type-A, perfectionist type and I found that the stress over whether a restaurant uses a pan previously buttered to make my tofu scramble was unnecessary. I was losing my love of food, dining with friends, and the purpose behind my switch. While I remain vegetarian, I don’t stress over a little parmesan shaving at a restaurant of if the bread was lightly covered in egg to give it a shiny glaze. Rather, I try to expand my cleaner, kinder lifestyle in other ways such as vegan beauty and cleaning products. My goal from the outset was “to do better.” To be kinder to my body, animals, and our planet and eating a 100% vegan diet isn’t the only way to do better. I applaud your honesty and your label breaking. You gotta do you. You have an incredible voice and I look forward to following it wherever you blogging journey goes!

    • Wow, Bonnie. I cannot believe that we are on such similar journeys at such a similar time!!! I commend you wholeheartedly for removing “vegan” from your social media profiles because of the label. We can be kind, compassionate and “do better” by being OURSELVES and not trying to adhere to strict labels. Sending you so much love and look forward to connecting with you throughout this new journey!! Xoxox. We’ve both got this!!

  60. Awww, I’m really sad to hear this. I hope you find a balanced vegan diet one day that works for you. I’m glad you were able to find some of the holes in your diet though. You’ll work it out. Check out Gena’s green recovery series at choosingraw.com. (She’s not 100% raw). I’ve totally had to play with my vegan diet a lot to find what works. It ended up being the one I started with but just didn’t give enough time to an the one supported by the medical industry the most (go figure!). Food should still be fun and not a constant source of stress. How can you be nourished if you can never figure out what combination of foods are going to make you feel like crap!

    As a passionate animal advocate I would just encourage you to really do homework on “free range,” “grass fed” and some of the other terms associated with food. Free range chickens are just simply not in cages. They still have their beaks clipped and they still throw away the male chicks. (Yes, throw away.) Organic dairy cows still have their male born children ripped away from them to be put into veal crates. Some farms may be more ethical than others but at the end of the day a life is still being lost.

    Good luck finding what you need. Much love.

    • Thank you for the sweet comment, Kathryn. My forever yoga buddy! Gena is a friend of mine and her advice and support has been wonderful throughout this wild transition period of mine. And you don’t have to worry about me doing my homework, I am still passionate about animal rights and have a great group of people in the organic world here in NYC to guide me to trustworthy restaurants and farmer’s markets. Thanks for the love. Hope to see you soon. Xox

  61. suck it animals. you can die now. sorry, in spite of all the cheery fan girl shit, i just feel bad for the animals that will die now. so much for ethics.

  62. I really loved this post and has really allowed myself to accept that I need to eat animal products in my diet. I’ve always tried to be vegan and gulten-free and I live with roommates that are vegan and vegetarian, and I always feel the guilt of eating animal products that may have affect on society and health. After your post, I realized eating is all about balance, and never eating too much of one particular food group. I never got full from just eating plant based products and mentally I had trouble when I tried to restrict myself from eating animal product. Thank you so much, and I can’t wait to continue reading your blog for inspiration on eating healthy!! Good luck to your new lifestyle :)

    • THANK YOU for this amazing comment. I seriously appreciate it, and I am so thrilled that I could help you come to the realization that potentially your current diet was not fully working for you. Never feel guilty for listening to your body. There are ethical ways to eat animal protein, and your health is much more important than a dietary label you once committed to. Sending you so much love!

  63. Thank you so much for you transparency and honesty!! I have also felt very constricted with labels and being the only vegan in my family and circle of friends I have felt immense pressure to keep it up no matter what because all the meat eaters (haha) are constantly pressuring me to cave and teasing me. It’s exhausting and frustrating and makes me feel like I can never give it up because it’ll be evidence that that lifestyle doesn’t work, I’m some hippie with crazy theories and I didn’t have the discipline to stay my ground. You’re an inspiration thank you!

    • Awww, Jenn, thank you so much!!! I know that it can be very hard to eat differently than your family and friends, and just because I am transitioning away from veganism doesn’t mean I am really going to be eating the same way that most people too. I still have my restrictions and my beliefs and my education about health, processed foods, factory farmed animal protein, etc. So all in all let’s both do what works for OUR individual bodies. You are not some hippie with crazy theories, you’re YOU and you are doing something beautiful for your body and I admire that wholeheartedly. Xoxox

  64. Jordan I am so proud of you! A couple of weeks ago I told you about myself turning vegetarian, and you gave me the brilliant piece of advice, that I need to listen to my body. I am so glad that you are listening to your body, as this is sooo important! I know that you are going to still be such an inspiration to all of us who you have inspired through this blog, and I will look forward to reading your new blog! Dont listen to the harsh comments, worthless people who have nothing better to do than make other people feel bad post these :(. Good luck with thinking up a new name!

    • Awww, Em, THANK YOU! This comment means the world to me. It feels really good to finally be taking my own advice, and I am so glad that you remember that little token of advice from me and took it to heart, because it’s the most important thing of all. Now I can finally practice what I preach!! Sending you so much love!

  65. I FULLY understand this!! And I fully support you. This is actually amazing. I have been a vegetarian for 10 years, but I still eat seafood, and I feel really guilty about this because I make so many vegan recipes yet I still eat seafood. But its what my body needs! I never have seafood recipes on my blog, even if I make a good one! I have also started experimenting with raw dairy ( I am still against pasturized dairy) but I have noticed signs in my body that I NEED these nutrients to sustain myself, and thrive even.

    Super stoked on you listening to your body. And ignore anyone and everyone that doesn’t want to allow you this freedom. xx

    • WOW, so interesting for me to hear!!! And so crazy that we are both feeling guilt about eating something that is sustaining our bodies and giving us nutrients that we know we need in order to thrive!! Just because we were both living under the umbrella of a label. Thank you so much for an amazing comment, and I am so thrilled to continue connecting with you on this newfound journey of mine. You rock. Xoxox

  66. honestly?

    T H A N K Y O U

    This topic has been on my mind for some time, and it is good to hear I am not the only one. I literally started thinking in a joking way, am I creating a eating disorder?
    So thank you for brining this up in the most honest way. Raw, straight fwd. – to the point, you just helped me in a tremendous way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Karlotta

    • Thank you SO MUCH, Karlotta. What an amazing, amazing comment to receive. I am thrilled to have touched you and resonated with you in this way. This is the reason that I put my post out there in the first place, so thank you to the moon and back for reaffirming that for me. Xox, we’ve got this!!

  67. Sad to read this post. The idea that we ‘need’ meat/dairy to feel healthy is ridiculous, I think it’s probably all the juice fasting and not eating that is making you feel ill. I think you’re a good writer and it’s clear that you’re enjoying your journey so I wish you all the best :) I just do not believe that it is ok for something to lose its life for somebody to have a meal when there is so much other food out there. A life is a life, I wouldn’t hurt an animal just as I wouldn’t hurt a human, and although this may sound silly, to me it is the simplest way of thinking, ‘I would not want to be eaten, farmed or milked etc, so why would I do that to another living thing?’
    That’s just my views though, everybody needs to make there own way in life, so I wish you all the happiness and good luck for the future :) x
    http://www.thelittlecountrygirl.blogspot.co.uk

    • So you don’t plan on breastfeeding should you become a mum? Because that’s “being milked” and used as a food source.

  68. I can so relate to your blog post, Jordan. I never respond but somehow I have the urge to share with you my story.

    I wouldn’t exactly call myself vegan but I certainly have been flirting with the concept for the last year. Only recently I realized that I also have been developing some sort of eating disorder, though I can’t really give it a name. I eat a lot (a lot!), I eat varied, but anytime I ate I would have to justify it for myself or I would feel guilty. To the point I stopped adding almond butter to my smoothies because I had developed a fear for fat after reading 80/10/10. But then again, I tried 80/10/10 for a week and it didn’t work for me, weight-wise nor socially.

    This all started when I went sugar-free two years ago now. I never felt better! My candida problems disappeared, I lost weight, I was never nauseous like I used to be for days… I ate whole grains, vegetables and fruit in abundance, organic dairy, cheese, fish and meats, and was feeling really well. Then I started researching more about nutrition and ditched one after the other: no meat, no fish, no dairy, no eggs. But it didn’t make me any happier or healthier. It has been hard on my friends too who never know how to cook for me. I had gotten very extreme, and I didn’t realize it until recently. I also started psychotherapy which has helped me overcome many of my urges for wanting to be perfect in every area in life (see how similar we are? haha).

    I now try to be balanced, and that is why your post appeals to me. I do eat cheese, because I realize that I just love it. But I try to make sure it is organic and I keep track of my fat intake. I do eat eggs, because I missed them and also couldn’t resist the urge to eat more protein after working out intensively (I do crossfit). Meat is a different story, I am not sure whether I’d still eat that, but I had shrimps yesterday.

    For me, it has come down to how I feel. I know I feel on top of the world when I complete a four day juice cleanse, but on the other hand I wouldn’t have seen a living soul for four days either because this lifestyle has yet to be accepted by my friends and family. Balance!!!

    I will continue to read your stories whatever you choose to put in your mouth or to name your blog!!!

    • Dora, thank you SO MUCH for such an incredible and relatable comment. I am so thrilled and humbled to hear how much of the post resonated with you and how similar we are in our stories and our newfound philosophies. It’s so scary to be afraid of certain foods, and sooo unhealthy mentally. I too had to justify every time that I ate!! Not cool and not fun. I am thrilled to hear that you are feeling happier and healthier. Sending you so much love, and looking forward to continuing connecting with you throughout my new journey!! Xox

  69. Beautiful! You should be proud over yourself for LISTENING to yourself, and doing what is best for you. You have our full support and we know how difficult it can be especially when you have built a brand around veganism. But don´t worry, have trust in universe AND the perfect way will unfold infront of you as long as you are true to yourself. You can do it! We are here to support you anytime on your journey. Keep going beauty, and as long as you feel good, and are happy – that is what matters! XXX

    • Thank you SO much to two of the most beautiful and inspiring girls that I know. It is so wonderful to have support from two raw food girls who are on the amazing journey of health and compassion. Very saddening to me to hear from other vegans and raw vegans that I am doing something wrong by listening to my body. Your understanding and love is SO refreshing and beautiful, and I want to thank you to the moon and back for always supporting me. You know I will always, ALWAYS support and love you both in return!! Xoxox

    • Thank you so much, Lindsay! I admire you to the moon & back for your health and fitness philosophies and really appreciate your support. Lots of love

  70. I’m not a regular reader, but HTP linked to this post on twitter and I was intrigued. I was a vegetarian in my early 20′s, and as I read your post tears came to my eyes because I remembered that exact feeling of being afraid of foods and digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole of restriction and malnutrition.

    We each get to choose what goes in our body, and I hope you will not pay one iota of attention to the people who claim “you don’t need to eat meat to be healthy” because they can go suck an egg. Or a potato.

    • Hahahaha YES they can go suck an egg or potato or a piece of kale… because everyone has to do what is right for their own body and I am SO grateful for your comment and support. Thank you for the love and I hope you come back and read TBV (or whatever the name turns into), because I love connecting with beautiful like-minded souls like yourself!

  71. Girl, I love and admire your honesty! I think it can be so hard to listen to your body and give it what it needs, but once you do you feel so much better! You are not alone. We are all here to support you!

    • Thank you so much, Becky!!! Your support means the world to me. Thanks for an incredible comment. Sending you so much love.

  72. I love that you are evolving, growing and listening to your body.
    As a mental health worker, this makes me very happy.
    As a mother and fellow vegetarian, this fills me with joy.

    You could be known now as “Naturally Blonde”
    Be happy and well!!!

  73. Can I first start off by saying HOW MUCH I FREAKING LOVE YOU. I totally understand how hard this must have been to admit, but trying to fit your body into a certain mold that’s not right for you is just not healthy and I’m so happy you have the common sense to realize that! I am so, so, so proud of youu!! This post is important not only for yourself, but for your blog readers who feel the same way. Let’s shake the labels and start living a sustainable and happy life!

    • YES!! Label free is the way to be. Thank you SO much for your support, beauty. I have admired your approach to food ever since I started reading your blog. Healthy, lots of homemade meals, and you also enjoy yummy treats like ice cream and going out to delish and fun dinners with your boyfriend and friends, and that’s the way it should be!! Balaaanced and wonderful. Can’t wait to have balanced and fun meals with you when I’m back on the best coast :) xox

  74. Hi there! I just found your blog and I want to thank you so much for sharing. I was a vegan for 3 years and when I first started, it was so amazing, I never felt better. But then things got bad, a lot like what you mentioned. When you start stressing out about what you’re going to eat and can’t enjoy a meal with friends, it gets really unhealthy. I also went through some personal stuff and then got pregnant and I felt like that was the perfect time to let go of the labels and start honoring my body. It was so freeing. But I went a little too far in the opposite direction and did experience a good amount of guilt and still do somewhat. I’m trying to work my way back toward the best aspects of healthy, ethical eating without being overly restrictive and therefore keeping my sanity :) So again, thank YOU for sharing your journey. It means a lot.

    • Yes, thank you so much for your understanding!!! Means the world to me. Could not agree more. We are all in this together. Our bodies change. Labels suck. We’ve all gotta do what is right for us and best for our bodies!!! So much love to you

  75. Simply amazing. You know I couldn’t agree more. I am all about eating real food but everyone needs to figure out what works for them. I am so proud of you (is that weird to say?) for having the courage to write this post and share your story. You are helping so many people. Keep on inspiring girly!

    • Thank you so much, Amy! What an amazing comment to receive. I love your blog and have admired your philosophy for quite some time… real foods, no labels, do what works for you! Now I can finally promote what I truly believe in. Xoxox

    • Thank you so much, Amy! What an amazing comment to receive. I love your blog and have admired your philosophy for quite some time… real foods, no labels, do what works for you! Now I can finally promote what I truly believe in. Xoxox

  76. Hi Jordan, normally I don’t comment on blog posts, but wow this is so recognisable. I have also had orhorexia and bulimia. I starved myself while I was thinking that I was eating well., and later I got into binge eating because my body needed nutrients. I still haven’t got my period and I am 16. I also freaked out if a store or restaurant didn’t have the food that I wanted, and I could spend a whole day in shops, searching for “right” foods. I love your blog and I promise you that this is the best decision you have ever made!

    • THANK YOU, lovely Lien. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand and support. I truly appreciate it. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  77. I know writing this post can’t have been easy—you are letting yourself be vulnerable in a space where it can be easier to attack or condemn than to appreciate how thoughtfully and mindfully you are approaching your own health journey. I applaud you for having the courage to be so honest and open, and I think the overwhelmingly positive response to your story is a real testament to the community you’ve built.

    What I have always loved about your blog is how you really let your true self shine through. Your passion for healthy living and helping others will continue to infuse everything you do, whatever the name of your website or your ideas about how best to nourish your body. Vegan or not, I know you will continue to be a strong, positive role model. You should be very proud of being willing and able to listen to your body, and for living your life in a way that feels right and authentic to you. Be healthy, be happy, and above all, continue to be the you who has engaged and inspired so many of us along the way.

    • THANK YOU, lovely Jenny. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand and support. I truly appreciate it. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  78. i have never read your blog, i was directed to this post by someone else. I am extremely saddened by it and even more saddened by the commentators. its clear you have/had incredibly disordered eating. I wish you didnt lump that together with alleged ethical choices. it sounds like you were not fueling your body appropriately, not that veganism isn’t correct. there is no such thing as being a humane or ethical eater without being vegan in my opinion. i think its sad that you are being applauded for this.

    • It is clear to me that you misunderstood the post– I never blamed veganism for my disordered eating. It is also clear to me that you are not a reader of this blog, or else you’d know that there is so much more to it than the diet. I recommend only reading blogs that do not “sadden” you from now on, so you don’t have to waste your time putting negative energy into the universe. Sending you love and light regardless of your judgement… veganism is about compassion for all living beings, and I hope you can realize how not in accordance you are with those viewpoints right now.

      • You have to realize that you are saying I love animals, i eat a plant based diet TO I love animals but I will eat them occasionally! What do you expect the vegan community to do? Yes we understand but not cool to eat the animals regardless of how ethical you think they are treated.

    • Suzie, I think that the point that Jordan was trying to make was that the focus on restrictions required to remain strictly vegan was triggering for her as someone who already had disordered eating habits. By relaxing her definition of what she “can” and “can’t” eat, as well as listening to her body, Jordan is allowing herself more leeway in terms of how rigidly focused she has to be on her food choices. As someone who is limited by allergies AND disordered eating habits, myself, I know that I can become far too obsessed with my food intake if I try to voluntarily practice a more restrictive diet, so I try to avoid doing that, as Jordan has done.

  79. Jordan: You have nothing to apologize for!! We all have moments in which we change, and discover that what used to work doesn’t anymore. As long as you are listening to your body, you will feel great and amazing! You know all of your readers will support you, because at then end we can only wish you the best. I’m now moving to 100% vegan, but I’ve considered the importance of not labeling myself. I am going to eat what I feel works for me and makes me feel at my best. I discovered that if I try to please people I’m just damaging myself. I don’t want to eat a certain way because anyone tells me it’s the right thing to do. That said,though I’m leaving dairy behind, if in the future I feel the need to go back to certain food I’ll do it.

    I admire your bravery and honesty in this new step!! I can only wish you the best and that you start feeling wonderful :) You will always be the b,onde vegan ;) Xo

    • THANK YOU, beautiful Jess. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand– especially others in the healthy living blog world. That is why I wanted to share this difficult story in the first place, to connect!!! So great to ditch the labels, and so thrilled that you are feeling great with your choices. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  80. Amazing! You are well spoken and embracing what seems like a terrifying reality. You are very brave and very empowering. I can’t wait to see what your brand turns into from here, but if anything this only serves to your credit as someone who can be trusted to always be honest and serve health over trends. Thanks, Jordan!

    • THANK YOU, lovely Mo. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who understand and support. I truly appreciate it. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  81. Hi Jordan,

    You are such an inspiration! I have been a vegan for three years and over the past ten months have experienced some intestinal health issues and my doctors and nutritionist would like me consider incorporating at least eggs into my diet and it has something I have been struggling with. After reading your story yesterday I feel so inspired to try and be open to the possibility and to not feel guilt and shame about veering away from a vegan lifestyle. Thank so much for helping me be more open to changing my diet to improve my health. I am very excited to continue reading about the next chapter of your health and lifestyle!

    • THANK YOU, beautiful Danae. So amazing and inspiring to me to connect with others who have been in a similar boat. That is why I wanted to share this difficult story in the first place. So much love to you, and cannot wait to continue connecting throughout this journey. Xoxoxo

  82. I commend you for being so open and honest about this very big decision. I’m certain you are going to get a ton of comments on all sides if the fence for sharing your thoughts and feelings on your actions and I hope you only listen to yourself.

    In addition, while it seems you may know quite a bit about foods, I do think you might benefit from seeking out a Registered Dietitian to help you meet your nutritional needs. You mention your history of GI issues and “disordered eating” which indicate the need for a professional. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions.

    I wish you much luck and happiness in your food and all other future endeavors!

    Best wishes.

    • Thanks so much, Melissa. I have a wonderful nutritionist who has helped me tremendously. Lots of love to you! Xox, Jordan

  83. Beautiful post. I am sososo glad to hear that you are now listening to your body and giving it what it needs. Although I eat vegan 95% of the time, I do not label myself as a “vegan” or even “vegetarian” because I do not want to feel like I am restricted from anything because of a label. Should my body ever tell me it wants some eggs on occasion or whatever else, I don’t want to have to restrict it from anything because of some label I have put on my diet. I am happy to hear you have decided to fuel your body with whatever it needs and step away from restrictions. In the end, you are still consuming natural, healthy foods and I think that is all that matters! Thank you for sharing your transition, I know it must have been scary xoxox

  84. This makes me so happy! The exact same thing has been on my mind lately. I’ve been finding myself stressing and obsessing about what I eat when, instead of whatever I eat falling under a label, the only thing it needs to do is make me feel good. I had plain organic yogurt today and felt SO good! I’ve decided to reevaluate my food and learn to enjoy it not let it stress me out. YAY BALANCE!!

  85. I appreciate your honesty. I’ve had a similar experience but turning away from vegan ended up making me much sicker than I was when I had a plant based diet. I was totally confused because I had the exact same thoughts as you – it must be the vegan diet.

    I ended up taking my sick and confused body to a wellness center with a naturopath who did some simple blood work to find out it wasn’t my diet at all, ish. I was missing vitamins like magnesium aka needing to eat more bananas and avocados as well as taking a supplement.

    I’m not saying that you’re wrong to think it’s the vegan diet, but it did work for you for a long time and it may not be the reason at all. Like me, you may find it such a simple thing to just add some vitamin you are missing to your vegan diet.

    Hope you don’t go through feeling sick by switching away from vegan like I did! Make sure to check with a natural western combo doctor for better insight :) xo.

  86. I’ve noticed you do a lot of “cleanses.” I do a 3-day water fast once a year and I’d say that’s plenty (very hard on the body). I stumbled upon your blog by searching on Google for vegan treats—it’s not something I eat much of and thought I might like to treat myself every so often (I rather eat plain fruit). I use the term “vegan” for simplistic description, to those who know more I’m “plant based” and like the moniker phrases used by athletes like Rich Roll “plant strong.” Similar to you, I have had stomach issues with certain food types so it’s been a many-year progression to get to where I am now. On top of all that, I am a high mileage cyclist & runner (training for my 1st ultra-marathon in Nov.) and I feel my diet caters to my quick recovery between long distance training. Regardless, you obviously inspire a lot of people (and I think many people who live healthy often do) but don’t sweat the title or reasoning behind it as much as go with your best feel. You certainly shouldn’t have to cleanse as often as you do, yet eating cheeseburgers is probably not the answer either. Find your middle ground and what resonates the most for you. You have no responsibility to others if you aren’t true to yourself.

  87. I can relate very well with your situation. I was vegan for 8 years and was experiencing horrible stomach pains for a long time and couldn’t figure out what was causing it. I also have dealt with disordered eating for a long time and know how it feels to get caught up in trying to eat “perfectly”. It wasn’t until I introduced animal proteins into my diet that I realized that my pain was coming from beans! Since I started replacing beans with animal protein, I noticed that the pain would come back immediately with even the slightest amount of beans. I still really want to be vegan but I am torn trying to figure out where I will be able to get enough protein. My only other option is nuts, but in order to get my recommended amount I would also end up getting way too much fat. Anyway, it’s great that you wrote about this, I remember feeling so guilty and nervous telling my vegan friends that I wasn’t vegan anymore. Being human is hard!

  88. I have had disordered eating habits for over 10 years and have made great changes in my outlook on food and its relation to my body image. Let me know if you want to chat more about this! xoxo Sharon

  89. I understand that you need to do what you need to do, and I have a lot of empathy for you because I have been sick and I know how scary and all-consuming it becomes. However, I *really* urge you to be careful with your words and not to muddle the issues here. Namely, that veganism is not what made you sick! You got sick because of extreme over-restriction and food phobia, which had nothing to do with veganism. In fact, you said yourself that when you were vegan, before all the restriction, you felt great.

    There is no evidence here that veganism itself doesn’t work for your body.

    I hope that some day you can come to a place where you can understand that important distinction. If you ever want to chat abut this, please feel free to email me. I have personal experience with getting very sick on a vegan diet, and have worked with many clients helping them to feel better, and have spent the past few years studying ex-vegans and the reasons why people stop being vegan.

    Like I said, I don’t judge you for doing what you feel like you needed to do for your health. I just urge you, some day in the future when this pain is less raw, to revisit this situation and try to see how it wasn’t, actually, veganism that failed you.

    I wish you luck and good health in your eating disorder recovery. Please feel free to email me any time.

    • Yep, I understand the distinction very clearly. Do appreciate your words– don’t worry, I have not confused the two.

      • You are not making the distinction when answering people in the comments here, and when speaking to them about what they might be experiencing. The words you are choosing are in fact confusing the two.

  90. I want to first address this post in a way that has nothing to do with veganism at all. I actually think the real meaning in this post comes not from you giving up veganism, but from your decision to improve your quality of life by addressing your disordered eating habits. I can relate to you so much. To be honest, I’ve been reading between your lines for quite a while now. Because I can identify so much with your mental strife around food, it’s been clear to me even before this revelation that you’ve been struggling. I knew it was only a matter of time before something came to light. I’m glad you’ve discovered how freeing it feels simply to admit to yourself that you have an eating disorder. I think it’s a shame that so many people fail to see their disorder because they think of the term “Eating Disorder” as only relating to anorexia, bulimia, etc. Orthorexia can be a very detrimental disorder. I know because I’ve struggled with it for quite some time. As I read your words about feeling panicked that JP didn’t have your juice, I could feel your panic like it was my own. I’m so proud of you for facing your struggles and making the proactive decision to help yourself. I recently re-bought the book “Life Without Ed” on my Kindle, by Jenni Shaefer. Have you read it? I encourage you to do so if you haven’t.

    Now, for the veganism aspect. I’ve tried and failed at sustaining a vegan diet multiple times in my life. The longest I ever did it was for nine months. I recently went back to being vegan (maintained it for two months this time), and am now back to being an omnivore. This time felt like the biggest failure because I’d been so public in my advocation of veganism. I can only imagine what it feels like for someone like you, whose presence in the vegan community is so profound. I’m sure you know Carrie Forrest, but she and I have become blogger friends, and I recently commented on HER post about giving up veganism. You’ve probably read it already, and know that you’re not alone, but I feel the need to emphasize again just how NOT ALONE you are. Giving up veganism does not mean you’re throwing away your values. It does not mean you’re a hypocrite, or a failure, or that you’re not disciplined enough. I’m currently experiencing health issues and am seeing a special doctor to address my problems. I’m not getting a period right now, either. My hormones are effed up, I feel lightheaded and fatigued every day, and it’s not fun at all. I know how frustrating it feels to be unhealthy. Do not for one second feel bad about straying from veganism to address your health. It makes me sad that all these “compassionate” vegans are so quick to send hurtful words in your and Carrie’s direction. Can’t they have compassion for you as well? This is your life and nobody else’s and I’m so proud of you. This was not easy for you. And it will continue to be extremely hard. I love your blog and I think you’re fabulous. Stay strong. I know you must have a million girls telling you this, but if you ever want to talk to somebody who completely understands, I’m here! I also live in Los Angeles, and would totally be down to meet up for a juice or a meal.

    I’ve now written an essay on your blog, so I’ll end this now. (I still feel like I have so much more to say to you, though!) Just know that I’m sending strength and love your way, and that your diet does not define your heart. You’re still a genuine, ethical, courageous, and all around extraordinary girl. I applaud you for taking a step in a healthy direction. Restriction is more dangerous for some than it is for others. Not everyone understands that. You deserve to be happy, and I think this is going to be a breakthrough change for you. <3 <3 <3

  91. Jordan, no matter what – do you. Be completely yourself in the moment you’re living in, wherever or whomever that may be. As someone who has been battling somewhat of an eating disorder myself, I found solace and truth in your post, as if I were looking into a mirror of my own experiences. Be gentle and kind with yourself, and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do, and with whatever is on your plate! <3

  92. Good for you, lovely! I know how hard this must have been fort ou, because I went through a similar experience. I was raw vegan for about 8 months, vegan for another year, and then veggie for 4… It was hard for me to admit it, but my health suffered a lot as a result of what’s supposedly the healthiest diet out there. And not only my physical health, but my mental health as well. I believe my stint with raw veganism was what really caused the onset of my eating disorder, because it was there that I learned to fear food. It’s been a long, hard battle to get my head back to a place where it no longer sees ANY food as being off limits or bad, but I can honestly say that it’s been worth it and that the idea of restricting any kind of food, even for “healthy”reasons, just doesn’t sit well with me anymore. All things can (and should) be enjoyed in moderation :)

  93. I went through the exact same realization! Very proud of you. Raw fish and pasture-raised eggs are what I enjoy most often. I recommend Vital Farms eggs. <3

  94. Stopped by your page today, and you certainly don’t need me to tell you, but you’re one hell of a writer – writing blog posts is hard business, and you have a remarkably clear, funny, and engaging writing voice – so refreshing. Time to write a book! Vegan or not (I will say I find vegan culture to be SO ostracizing at times), you will be very successful I know it. Good luck to you :)

  95. Even though it’s always sad to lose another vegan blogger, I hope you find the health you deserve with your new way of eating! I personally turned to veganism while recovering from my own eating disorders, as a way to be the healthiest I could be, and I still love the lifestyle two plus years later. I still struggle with the clean eating mindset, which I believe may have led you to feeling restricted as a vegan, but I truly love eating the way I do now and rarely feel restricted by it. But to each their own! I do have to warn you though from my own experiences — I tried reintroducing eggs last fall because of their supposed health benefits. I bought free range, organic eggs from Whole Foods and everything and they still made me feel sick to my stomach and made me break out. I’ve honestly never been a fan of eggs, so it wasn’t really a loss to me, but I know reintroducing things you haven’t eaten in awhile can be hard on your digestive system. Then again, I haven’t really eaten eggs in years since I hated them, so it’s possible I developed an intolerance, but just wanted to give you a heads up in case you experience something similar!

  96. Looking through all these posts it I don’t understand why the Vegan – haters are so harsh. Why not just appreciate someone who is trying and obviously eats vegan 90 – 99% of the time versus someone who could care less. Maybe this new path will be even more inspiring to help people to consume less animal product and eat more plant based meals who are not looking to become a Vegan. If ten people just ate one vegan meal it would be just as helpful as helping one person BE A VEGAN 24/7. Why slam someone who is trying. If I want to run 5 miles but only make it 4 does that mean I didn’t run?

    Sometimes I just want a little milk in my coffee…I only want coffee on Sundays with my husband OMG if I had a Vegan card they take it away. The whole honey debate … All the strident rules to be a super Vegan…its exhausting not inspiring to me just an average person wanting to take a few baby steps toward a healthier diet.
    When I see your pictures of vegan smoothies it makes me hungry to try it and along with your inspirational quotes and your sense of humor it makes me check out your blog.. I like the names people have suggested like
    Jordan’s Journey or Balance Blonde …maybe The Blonde (mostly) Vegan <3

  97. To be honest I am actually quite happy you are transitioning to this new diet! I am not a vegan but I came across your blog a little while ago and enjoy reading it. I found that I could relate to your views on food and sustainability even though we didn’t share the same type of diet. So I am excited you will be eating different things and hopefully will post some recipes and tips. Ps I bought your tee shirt “Is vodka vegan” and people love it! They always ask me where I got it haha

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  99. I have been in the same boat as you being vegetarian for 8 years, then vegan for 3 and this past winter I started to crave chicken and it wouldn’t go away. I tried organic chicken and I beat myself up for it feeling guilty like i was betraying myself or someone else. Being vegan/vegetarian for so long I felt labeled and like a failure. I totally respect and admire you in your decision to eat balanced and as healthfully and ethically as possible. This is been something I have been debating for awhile and it’s so reassuring to know i’m not the only one struggling with this. I didn’t know who I could talk to. I don’t want to be “labeled”. I want to eat as healthy and as plant based as I can 95-97% of the time and be able to have organic chicken or organic dairy if I feel like I’m craving it every now and then and not feel guilty like I am doing something wrong. Thank you for inspiring me to not be afraid to ditch the label, listen to my body and eat healthfully!

  100. What an inspiration! You’ve taught me so much about health, intuition and honesty since you’ve begun this journey. Excited to see where life takes you to find your zen =)

  101. How is this ethically right and morally right? What power do you have to take away lives of innocent beings. After watching all of those documentaries do you really think there is such thing as “free range eggs”? I’m so dissapointed to see a vegan become an omnivore again since its wrong in every way. Watch one of Gary Yourofsky’s documentary, carb yourself up, and then come back and make the right choice.

  102. You know what I love MORE than whole food, plant based diets? Honesty. And yours is refreshing. Can’t wait to see where the next chapter takes you!

  103. Hey girlie-girl. I’m glad that you’re turning a new leaf for yourself. When it domes to eating, its great to bear the well being of the planet in mind, but your first concern should be yourself. I’ve had a weird relationship with food that’s required some marriage counseling, so I feel ya. Also a cool new blot name I thought of was “blonde-ivoure”, because it plays on the old name but you decide:)

  104. I have never been to this blog before, but I saw your comment at Carrie on Vegan and I hopped on over and read your story. I’m so glad that you are getting the help that you have discovered is so necessary for your health. I’m sure you feel and incredible sense of relief!

    I am not officially a “Vegan,” always having preferred other terms for my way of eating, plus still wearing leather shoes, etc. But while I am not a Vegan, I do find it disturbing that you have a large and beautiful image in this post “Why I’m transitioning away from Veganism.” From reading your post, it really seems like you are transitioning away from Orthorexia (I’m very familiar with that myself) and that is what that beautiful graphic that you have designed should read. By having it read the way that it does, it sensationalizes your story into another “Vegan didn’t work for me story.” And that’s really sad for the Vegan cause, because it’s unnecessary and destructive to the cause of animal welfare.

    Please consider removing that image or changing it.

    I wish you all good things in the future and on your new journey to real and whole health!

  105. Really great read and very brave to share! I recently left almost a decade of being a vegetarian after learning that I am gluten intolerant and simply wasn’t getting my body the nutrients that it needed. It’s a very hard decision and a very personal one. And SO terrifying. I’ve always found it funny how other people were more interested in what I ate and why, when I never seemed to care what they ate. It’s your body. Your health.

    Transitioning to a new diet is rough, but so worth it once you start feeling better. Mad props to you and thank you for sharing your story!

  106. Jordan, we’ve only really connected on Instagram up until now, and it is quite amazing to me that we have experienced similar issues without each of us knowing what was going on with the other. Having literally just spent the last 10 days fielding hundreds of comments, both good and bad, in response to my blog post about moving away from veganism, I hope I can offer you support on your journey to find out what works best for YOUR body, without the labels or judgment. I truly believe there is a place for those of us who are passionate about the health, animal welfare, and taking care of the environment, but it’s up to us to each of us to create that space. So, here’s to a wonderful future filled with ongoing love, compassion, and positive change. Xoxo.

  107. YES! Good for you that you’re listening to your body. What it has to say is WAY more important than what anyone else has to say about what you put in your body. Congrats, girl!

  108. This is exactly why I am no longer vegan, this very same thing happened to me. I, too, believe in sustainable food and am against factory farms, and I avoid them as much as I can. But, I was edging back toward disordered eating territory after years of being in recovery, so I had to ditch the vegan label. It was the best thing I ever did, giving myself more flexibility in my eating and no longer being scared of food. I’ve never felt better. I eat mostly vegan and listen to my body’s signals, and sometimes that means enjoying a big, greasy, local, grass-fed burger. Without guilt, without worry. My body thanks me and then I move on. I support your decision to strip away the label… high freaking five! :)

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  110. Hi! Just wanted to say that I am beyond encouraged/proud of you for you making the attempt to listen to your own body. I had a similar experience with digestion issues after getting a parasite in a third world country. It has been a journey and hard a times but the greatest gift/blessing has been through it all is learning to listen to my body and what it needs and how it feels rather than adhering to a strict regimen. Although I believe there are times for certain nutritional protocols overall being in tune with our bodies is one of the greatest things we can do. Shoot, they know when to pump blood, when to breathe, etc. they are pretty smart after all!

  111. Not only was that brave and inspirational, but also incredibly well written. Awesome post. Our bodies are the only thing that belong to us and the key to our future. We need to listen to them and nurture them to their liking. Thanks so much!

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  114. This post is beautiful and inspiring. I had a similar realization about a year ago and it was such a turning point in my life. I am so much happier and healthier now and I know how hard it is to admit that I had an “eating disorder” – especially when it seems like there are so many others who follow such strict diets without any concerns. Therapy has been a huge help for me. Now the hard part will be to stay laser-focused on yourself what YOU need and YOUR health. Block out everything else :) Much love to you and thank you for this, it gets easier and easier every day.

  115. Hi there! You’ve gotten so many responses I hope you see this one. I could not feel more like you. In fact I related so much, I had to stop reading your blog because it became so triggering. I’d finally be doing well and ventureto your blog and feel guilty again. Through therapy and support I’ve finally gotten to a place where I do whats best for me. I am not vegan anymore, in fact I eat vegetarian goat cheese and I adore it, I no longer avoid gluten or worry about how much or what I’ve eaten. People adn stress and anxiety can create more problems than there really are. Have you thought about taking a break from the internet? To see someone with so much be struggling is difficult. I want you to feel happy and free and realize that your diet is not the center of the universe. It isn’t normalized behavior to eat barely anything or juice fast because you know you have to go out for dinner the next night.

    I think you should read hummusapien blog and the real life RD blog. Theyr’e so so amazing and have been blessings for me to find.

    I feel your pain about not being able to stay vegan for ethical reasons as it still pains me at times. Best of luck on your journey. Stay strong

  116. I loved this post so much. You are so brave for sharing an honest story with your readers, and I really appreciate it. It can seem like people have everything so together on the outside, but it’s comforting to know that everyone has issues like this that they have to overcome! It makes you such a strong person :) So glad to read your blog!

  117. Just saw your piece on GMA (The name Younger caught my attention!! Haha!) Just wanted to give you some kudos for doing what’s right for you and your body and sharing with the public. That takes courage! Don’t let The Internet continue to harass you about your egg and fish choices. It’s one thing to put in a good effort to choose pastured eggs and wild fish when you are out shopping for yourself or choosing restaurants, but it’s another to turn your nose up at the homemade omelet your grandmother makes for you because the eggs she used weren’t cage free. (I’m not saying you’d do this, but this is something The Internet would attack you for!) Food is meant to be enjoyed not analyzed. Best of luck Jordan!

    • Kath, thank you!!! It means so much to hear from someone whom I admire so much in the health blogging world. Ever since I read your comment a few days ago I have had your words ringing through my ears– it’s one thing to make an effort to choose pastured eggs and wild fish, and another thing to turn your nose up at something homemade by a loved one. It’s all about BALANCE, and I will certainly be referencing your analogy when I explain my philosophy to people in the future. Sending you lots of love, my fellow Younger (and potential distant cousin!). Xox

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  119. I fully support and encourage you to do what feels right in your soul. We are al on different paths and nobody should be judged for their own personal decisions. However, as a long time vegan and animal protector, I hope that you will still continue to advocate for the animals who don’t have a choice in the destructive hands of man. To me, this is what being vegan is…I don’t like the label at all! I think its rediculous that we have to categorize our social behaviours and pit humans against humans to create change. I feel the same way about organics. Nature created a perfect oasis of energetic, healing foods and humans are single handedly destroying it. So, good on you for your honesty. That’s beautiful and difficult but you are human and we should own and accept our vulnerability. We all go through it but you were brave enough to publicly do what feels right for you and let this be a lesson to always feel the freedom to change your mind, evolve and grow in spite of others opinions. In saying that, please don’t forget about the true essence of why (certain) people choose vegan lifestyles. It’s a movement to create awareness and a deep compassion for all living beings.

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  125. Hey Jordan, your TV segment has made its way onto Australian TV today, so I hopped on over to read your story. I applaud you for having the guts to share what you are going through online where there are sooooo many people who are very protective of their ‘label’ and are trying to make you reconsider your decisions.

    Food should nurture us but eating should also be a pleasurable experience and I am so glad to hear you have decided to ditch your ‘label’ and tune into your body to work out what is best for YOU!

    Sending you lots of love and support from Australia as you get back your balance.

    Nina

    • Nina, thank you so much!! This comment seriously means the world to me. Eating SHOULD be a pleasurable experience, and I am so looking forward to getting back to that point. Sending you tons of love. Love all of my Australian readers!! Definitely making a trip out there in the near future to connect with all of you :) xoxox

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  128. Much love to you Jordan. I applaud you for your transparency and openness, and your dedication to your body and your health! We absolutely are all different. Thank you for sharing this with us. I wish you the best of luck on this journey, and know you have our support!! #sweatpink #imfitpossible

    • Thank you so much, Lyndsay! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support. We ARE all different. I could not agree more. #sweatpink #imfitpossible love all the way!!

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  131. Hi Jordan, I have to be honest and admit that I had not been aware of your blog until I saw your article in Well + Good. I think it is incredibly brave of you to listen to what your body needs because honestly that’s all we can really do. I started a healthy blog recently because I know the crap I had previously been eating had been giving me issues and I created it as a way of encouraging myself. I saw how scary it was to even do that, so the fact that you came out and were honest with everyone, even knowing how some people would react is inspirational. I think this quote by Brene Brown will help (I’m a big quote follower haha, sometimes other peoples words just sum it up better) “Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands”. Good luck to you with everything!

    • Susie, thank you so much for the kind words!!! I am a huge quote follower true, and that one certainly just resonated with me very much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Sending you lots of love! Xox

  132. I admire you’re ability to come out with such a tough truth! I am two years in recovery from a 13 year battle with bulimia…it’s not easy to tell everyone publicly, and privately for that matter, that something is very wrong. I can assure you that you will continue to feel better and better! A year from now, you won’t believe how good you feel, following your ethics and morals about eating, but at the same time giving your body what it needs to function. My mom said to me once, “Be nice to your body: it’s the only one you have and it’s a good one!”. She is so right.

    • This Blonde non-vegan knows that it’s best ethically to be vegan but for whatever sad reason chooses not to do more research into seeking professional help in correcting her dietary eating habits. You need to go to a more qualified vegan nutritionist and vegan psychologist if necessary.

      You and her obsequious followers are hurting the animals, the environment, the planet and themselves. That’s a mighty high crime to be guilty of!

      BTW, the title of your blog has ALWAYS been a misnomer. If you claim to be vegan and then stop, you never was a vegan in the first place.

      Sigh….you and your followers just don’t get it and the saddest part about it is, others have to suffer to death because of your foolishness.

      • Oh Lorrie, Lorrie, Lorrie…what a sad tale you are. Shame on you for being so negative to a very brave and very smart woman named the Blonde Vegan. Vegan’s are the sickest people on the planet. You just have to wait a few more years before you realize that. And you have no idea what you are doing to your body in the meantime. Just wait until your symptoms manifest. I have a dear friend who is suffering with terrible diseases right now after decades of being a Vegan. She is 70 years old now…and suffering Vulvar cancer, plus other muscular types of issues from lack of ANIMAL protein. You should look it up. It’s the grossest thing that can happen to a woman. And she was a Nurse Practitioner for many years. Even her GMO free way of eating is too late for her now.

        We raise and slaughter our own animals. They are raised humanely. They eat (organic) and die better than most humans. Most sickly humans die in terrible pain. Our animals never know when the lights go out. That’s humane or better treatment.

        However, you are correct that huge feedlots of animals (cattle, pigs, chickens) are not treated well at all. They do suffer terribly. Going Vegan will not change that. Proper laws could change those conditions. I have a problem with your putting everyone in the same box, well treated verses horribly treated animals.

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  135. It is so incredibly brave of you to share this and you’ve been responding so positively even to the negative feedback! I hope you don’t let those comments bring you down because ultimately it sounds like you’re making decisions for yourself that are healthy for YOU. I’ve also had friends who stopped being vegan and vegetarian when they realized they had become disordered and obsessive about it after getting help for eating disorders. Good for you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. I know it can’t be an easy decision!

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  137. Love your story, Jordan. You are obviously committed to a healthy lifestyle and incorporating a few new foods into your diet isn’t going to change that. It was the perfect time for me to read something like this because I’ve been struggling with diet a lot lately myself, and I often question my ethics as a vegetarian instead of a pure vegan. But I’ve tried that lifestyle, and I just can’t do it either. No energy, all cravings. I stopped enjoying meals and started stressing out about eating with friends and family. Shouldn’t we enjoy a nice meal out with our loved ones instead of our stomachs turning in knots thinking about how our restrictions are going to prevent us from eating a single thing on the menu? I have so much respect for those who are 100 percent vegan, but the truth is, it’s just not right for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that.

  138. I saw a link to this blog post on Facebook, and I felt the immediate need to come and somehow share with you how wonderful I think it is for you to be so honest and upfront about your choices. I’ve never visited your blog before, but I wanted to show my support for your choice. Don’t let the negativity from others get you down! You know what is best for your body, and people should understand and respect that!

  139. Thank you so much for sharing. I know how daunting that can be. You are incredibly strong, courageous, and amazing for taking the step and listening to your body! So many are unable to do so, and it threatens their life and well-being. You have so much support—anyone who’s giving you crap for your decision doesn’t care as much about YOU as a person and a body as they do about the labels, but I think you know that already. :) Hope you continue to feel better and more whole again!! Kudos! :)

  140. I’m not an active follower of your blog; I actually only found out about it because of the press this post got. But nonetheless, I want to give my two cents:

    You do you, girl. First and foremost, your health is the most important thing. If that means maintaining a vegan diet in a different way, or switching up to vegetarianism or becoming a straight-up omnivore, that is a decision to be made by you, your body and your doctor. And that’s it. There are a lot of passionate people out there who will try to sway you one way or another, but they’re not you. They’re not in your body, living what you live, feeling what you feel. Listen to your body and give it what it needs, simple as that.

    I’m sorry that people are laying hate onto you for that…I agree, it’s not very humane. While I understand the reasons behind veganism (I’m not a vegan or a vegetarian), it seems contradictory to not want to make sure that another human is as healthy and happy as can possibly be.

    And I’m with you on the label thing…like I said, I eat meat, but I generally try to eat “healthy” or “clean,” whatever that means. Basically, I eat as healthfully as I can for my body, and for me, that includes things like gluten and dairy. But what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for you. Every body’s different and we need to respect and realize that. I can only imagine how hard it must be to maintain a restricted diet as well as suffering from multiple food allergies.

    Most importantly, I’m glad you realized you had a problem with disordered eating and sought help to fix it. I’m glad you’re listening to your body and putting your health first. I’m glad you’re making improvements to yourself to make yourself the healthiest, happiest version of you. THAT’S what important, not a label or a lifestyle or a definition.

    You keep doing you, Jordan. Rock on. (P.S. I’m totally subscribing to your blog now.) :-)

  141. Jordan,
    Thanks so much for sharing and inspiring all of us, and being so honest about your story!

    It really is hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food and our bodies, and this culture doesn’t always help. “Diet” used to mean what you DO eat, like “A monkey’s diet consists of bananas,” but now it means what you don’t. As in, “a vegan doesn’t eat meat, eggs, or dairy.” Since when is our culture so focused on restricting ourselves?

    I also used to call myself a “vegan” but switched to “I eat primarily whole plant foods.” I got annoyed when people would say “you can’t have that.” The reality is that vegans (and all people!) CAN eat whatever they want. Some people elect to eat more or less of certain things, and we need to respect that. I’m looking forward to hearing your new “title” or the language you use to describe what you prefer to eat.

    Thanks for your inspiration!
    Alyssa

  142. I am actually not a reader of your blog, I happened upon it after reading about you in Well and Good, and I have to say, I’m so happy to see someone speaking out about this. I became vegan (truthfully, I’m a 95 percenter) after years of struggling with disordered eating, and I have definitely been freed—emotionally and nutritionally—by the discovery of a plant-based lifestyle. I feel better, and happier than I’ve ever felt in my life.

    But what I didn’t expect were the tinges of guilt that would pop up whenever I did decide to have a slice of organic cheese, or a couple pastured eggs, or even, god forbid, get that veggie omelet at a hole in a wall diner because I’m vacationing with my family of 7 in Las Vegas and I’m STARVING and have eaten enough Macro Bars to sink a ship and sometimes it’s just not fair to make an entire group revolve around one person’s lifestyle. And really, is that one omelet, amongst an entire lifestyle of organic, plant-based living, going to be the thing that ends me?

    In these moments, when I feel guilty for “failing” my plant-based lifestyle, I have to shake myself, and I’m so glad you’ve done the same. Labels are so limiting. If we respect our bodies, stay in tune with ourselves, and maintain a balanced, healthy, aware lifestyle, that will take us a million light years further than living solely by a label.

    Food should never be a trap. It should enrich, sustain and please. Major kudos to you taking charge of your body and staying true to yourself. You are such an inspiration!

    • Wow, Amanda! You have seriously put it PERFECTLY. That story about the omelet with your family in Vegas basically explains my entire situation/hesitation/decision to free myself from the label– because I was so, so stuck in the rigidity and the label of veganism that I would have never dared do that, I would have eaten yet another macro bar and sent myself into protein bar gastrointestinal overload, and also sent myself into a horrible cycle of eating everything in SIGHT once “real” vegan food was available again. Nightmare. Thanks so much for your support! So glad that you came across the blog through Well+Good!! Love connecting with you! Xox

  143. i’m appalled at the so called “kind eaters” out there who can turn around and be so cruel to our fellows out there. compassion is not reserved for only those who can’t speak their mind – it extends beyond understanding our own perspective and trying to identify with another.

    i appreciate your honesty and sharing your perspective on a lifestyle snag that you know others must be experiencing too. you are not alone. i hope you and others find the balance that you need in a way that works for you.

    http://www.theimpatientvegan.com

  144. Pingback: the impatient vegan: Sunday Abstraction: Special Edition

  145. Jorden:

    I am sorry that you have not been feeling well. Over the years I have known many vegans — and watched a few of them leave this lifestyle because they felt it did not work for them. I have also seen MANY MORE vegans, go through periods where they weren’t thriving, but giving up veganism was not an option and they continued to look for other ways to feel good again. One — a 20+ year vegan unable to get out of bed for months, had all her amalgams removed and quickly became vibrant again never wavering in her veganism. Others have shared with me that completely eliminating gluten made all the difference in the world. Surprisingly — a lot of active vegans simply need to eat more calories! Given the psychological challenges you have described (and your history suggests that you also probably react to certain fermentable carbs (FODMAP) items) All the added restrictions you had adopted quite possibly did make it hard for you to get adequate calories. There is no reason why you can’t practice moderation — and still be vegan.

    In other countries dogs, cats, dolphins and monkeys are regularly on the menu — so how do you know that your problems aren’t really because you have excluded these animals from your diet? Would you consider applying your perspective of moderation to eating these creatures, or drinking their breast milk? I suspect not — as that is not the culture you are most under pressure to conform to. Moderation can mean so many different things and have so many different impacts depending upon the context, but clearly there are a few places where boundaries must reign it it. Everyone’s right to swing their fists ends at the point that their fist strikes someone else’s face. Veganism is not about most of what you wrote about — it has nothing to do with smoothies, being raw, limited sugar, or most of the other food-restriction ideas you explored. It is simply about one thing — not using others who think and feel as objects. That’s it.

    Would it have been enough, if in the 1850′s instead of abolishing slavery, we simply treated slaves a lot better? There are places in Africa where rape is so prevalent most females have experienced it — should it be regulated there instead of ended? What about males there that think it should simply be practiced in “moderation?, and don’t want to be made to feel bad for wanting to continue with this custom, that they believe makes their life better?

    Please don’t give up on veganism — somewhere in your soul I know that you “get it”. You do care about animals. You do want to live at peace with them, and you do want to do the least harm and the most good — that is veganism. I also know that we live surrounded by so much that tries to persuade us it is personally risky, hard, will separate us from important social connections, make us sick etc etc. I have encountered such doubts myself from time to time over the decades of striving to live without violence – but my commitment to living a vegan lifestyle has remained rock solid. The thing I have noticed as I have aged, is that most everyone has “health challenges” at many points in their life — and not all of them are diet related. Sometimes stuff just happens for reasons not due to diet. I don’t eat vegan for my health (although for my age, my health is clearly in the top quarter) I eat vegan for the health of the animals, and because I absolutely believe in my heart that it is humanity’s future — just as we have left off the eating of other humans, and most of us now believe that human slavery is wrong, many of us now know that discrimination based upon sex, or sexual orientation also must end, a smaller number of us now get it about our non-human brothers and sisters that are on this mysterious journey along with us. Those of us who “get it” have the job of showing the way to everyone else.

    I know that you caught a glimmer of this — you just got derailed in an anxious process that involved food, but please work on healing your mind, at the same time that you follow your heart. Live it up with black bean burritos in rice tortilla, tofu scrambles, almond milkshakes, chick pea risottos, non-dairy cheeses, lentil burgers, coconut macaroons, fruits in their prime of ripeness, chia seed puddings, white bean and kale soups, refried kidney beans and corn chips, and you can still do smoothies, and salads, and all the other wonderful plant derived foods in moderation and or while listening to your body — just leave our fellow beings and their stolen bodily secretions off your plate.

    Be Well.
    Jo

  146. Hey there I read about you from HelloGiggles :) I think it’s brave to have a change of your lifestyle (it’s not easy!) and to announce it to public who know you for what you’ve been doing and all. I think we all have to do what is good for ourselves and keep it up :D

  147. Jordan,

    I just want to say THANK YOU! you have opened my eyes to my denial surrounding food! Which I never thought I had until this very moment. I am a bundle of tears and haven’t quiet figured out if they are good or bad tears but non the less a step in the right direction.

    So many stories come to mind when reading your post about the juice bar. I can relate to the panic and hesitation to decide on another juice, I had to always have a back up in my mind well before stepping out the door when going for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I thought this was normal behaviour? when looking back I wasn’t enjoying my time and looking around at others I can tell they enjoy their time with food, friends and family. It breaks my heart so thank you Jordan what an amazing emotion to share with so many!

    Your honesty and bravery surrounding your issues are a true inspiration. You are an amazing woman and I wish you all the best in your recovery.

    Sending much love and peace

    Tori xxx

  148. Hi,
    First, you are incredibly brave to admit your eating disorder – knowing first hand from suffering for years, that is a struggle in and of itself. But also you raise a very important point that an eating disorder is more than being thin (or heavy) but it’s an unhealthy obsession with food. I am not vegan but through my recovery, believe it or not, I was starting to add more foods into my diet but then was starting to become obsessed with those foods only being healthy, or clean, whatever. That was still part of my disorder, and now I am working on eating anything I want and not feeling bad about it. This includes everything from non-organic vegetables to cheeseburgers and boxed betty crocker cupcakes. Sure, some foods are more nutritionally dense than others, but all foods give you some benefit. I was on a charity bike ride (100 miles) last year and to get my through the last 20 miles, I drank full sugar cranberry juice and ate chocolate MnMs. The year before doing that same ride, I would have never thought of consuming those things and sure enough, I struggled on the ride. Long story short -the more I incorporate foods into my diet, the better I feel.

    I’m writing this so you can hear another success story but also to say that in your journey, you might eat something that is way off your vegan list or any list… and if you do, it’s ok! We like to beat ourselves up over what we eat, even if we enjoy it. I wish you luck as you stray away from your past lifestyle to a new one.

  149. BRAVO Jordan!!! I think it takes guts to come out and express yourself like you did. I understand how tough it must be with the following you had and the label (that darn label) that was attached to you. I think so many people will read your words and feel understood or finally simply understand themselves and know that they are not alone and that it is OK to switch, to discover new ways, to listen to your body and to make appropriate changes.
    You have a way with words and nobody can criticize the way You feel. Best of luck in everything, I wish nothing but health and happiness for you. Thank you for sharing.

  150. Congratulations on your journey of self-discovery and listening to your body! It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and for your honesty!

  151. You rock! Thank you for listening to the voice which is guiding you perfectly. I was strict vegetarian for 10 years – like crazy vegetarian and extremely vocal about it. I felt that the whole world needed to be vegetarian and would be better for it. Then I was vegan for 2 years, then raw vegan for a one year and ate only at whole fruits and vegetables and nuts in their most raw state. Nothing from the store at all. Nothing with a label on it. I lost 45 pounds and everyone said I looked great, but all I did all day long was think about how food and how my way was the best way. I would look and people in disgust. I wouldn’t eat anything if it was even cooked NEAR meat. One day that all changed. My neighbor had lost his whole family in a tragic car crash a few years earlier and he used to fish on the pond that was on my property. Nice guy. You could tell he had come to a place of serenity in his life. We would wave to each other. One day he came to my door with a gift of two fish that he had caught, skinned and froze for me. A way of saying thanks for letting me fish on the property. In that moment, I stopped with my food rules. My heart opened wide. In the past I would have said “Oh no thank you, I’m vegetarian” but on that day, my heart opened up and all I could say was, THANK YOU. Wow. Thank you. And I couldn’t wait to eat the fish. I dropped all my food rules on that day. I eat whatever the hell I want now, in gratitude, in joy, in appreciation. I love life. I love my body. I love my health. I love that I am free. I love that I don’t have to ask anyone: what’s in that? Was that cooked with (or near) … I don’t do that anymore. I just eat it, in joy. On some days now, I just eat vegan, some days raw vegan, some days I eat a hamburger, some days I love butter slathered all over everything. Sometimes I don’t want sugar for weeks, other times it’s all I want. I just listen in the moment, and I go with that. Blessings to you as your go forward from here. You’re an inspiration and you will find that the same passion you gave to this blog will be channeled in other ways. Love to you. Lisa

  152. Hi Jordan,

    I know I’m about a month late here but I ran across this article posted on one of my favorite celebrity gossip sites (you’re a celebrity apparently!) and just wanted to say that had to take a lot of guts to post this because while I am not vegan nor vegetarian, I know many people that are and I know how intense this lifestyle and the supporters can be.

    This hit home with me a little because one of my best friends I fear is going through what you went through but hasn’t recognized it. She says she just wants to be healthy, but when all you eat is iceburg lettuce with some oil and vinegar for dinner every day and claim you are full that is where I get worried. Not to mention other people have mentioned noticing the same severe eating restrictions and are worried too. I am not sure if I should approach her about it, but I do hope she comes to this realization just like you did.

    As mentioned, I am not vegetarian nor vegan but I am an animal lover and do try and eat organically and eat as healthy as possible when I can. I am severely lactose intolerant (border-lining full-on dairy allergy) so I do appreciate a good slice of vegan pizza and completely am grateful for some of the alternatives they offer so I do understand the positives of veganism. I know that starting a new way of life and eating habits has to be very hard, but I really think it is very strong and brave of you to address that and let everyone know that while there is nothing wrong with veganism if you choose that lifestyle, everybody is different. You shouldn’t be judged by vegans. This is not a club – it’s a lifestyle choice. And you have to do what is right for your body.

    Anyways – that’s all I wanted to say.. oh, and … I also live in NYC, so hello :)

  153. Just want to send some love and support your way. It is very freeing when we can let go of something we have found our identity in, even if it hurts. YOU are ENOUGH – whatever you choose <3

  154. It’s so easy to point the fingers away from ourselves. My medical opinion on your condition – it wasn’t veganism that caused your disorder – it was not doing things in a smart, healthy nad balalce way. And htat has nothing to do with eating fish or eggs. And to state that veganism made you sick is an easy way to point the finger away from the fact that you (YOU) became obsessive-compulsive and did not do anything in a balanced way. You even said you avoided many vegan foods. So, um, what did you expect? To eat a couple of carrots and be happy, nourished and energetic? Duh. No. You could have just as easily ate protein-rich vegan foods, ate whole grains and cooked vegan meals that were balanced and delicious, and gotten healthy again too. Fish and eggs didn’t do that – getting nutrients did that. I’m sure you have fodder for a book and the meat-eating community will embrace you touting the message that meat is good and veganism is bad. But there are thousands upon thousands of healthy vegans and raw foodist that know better. If you are honest, so do you.

  155. I am so happy to hear your story because it is very similar to mine when I was in college (somehow college-aged kids have a penchant for this kind of eating). I wasn’t a vegan….yet!–though I was on my way to becoming one. I had started learning about factory farming when I was in high school and I thought the answer was to stop eating meat, so when I got to college, I became a vegetarian. I was also on a soccer scholarship so I was working out more than I ever had and I, too, lost my period. For four years of college, I was very restrictive, trying to eat “perfectly” and couldn’t figure out why I was so tired all the time. So. Tired. My digestion was a mess. I was a mess. I wasn’t listening to what my body wanted and needed and I fell deeper and deeper into a hole. When I got out of college I ravenously craved steak so I became a closeted meat eater. It turns out that I was anemic and had adrenal fatigue and had become hypothyroid. I too ruined my biochemistry. I now am not restrictive about anything (even potato chips and ice cream!) but still try to eat meals packed with as many nutrients as possible. I shop at the farmer’s market and buy meat that is humanely-raised and grass-fed. But even with this, I only do the best I can and try not to fall into the extremism of my past. I’m still recovering and I don’t think I can ever be as extreme as I was–my body won’t let me! My mom gave me a great book to read while I was recovering called The Vegetarian Myth (http://www.amazon.com/The-Vegetarian-Myth-Justice-Sustainability/dp/1604860804). I recommend it.

    Best of luck to you. I’m so glad you are sharing your story and are listening to what your body wants and needs.

  156. Hi there, I just saw an article about you on People Magazine online. I just have to say this…you’re 23 years old. You’re so young : ) By the time you get to my age, you’ll learn to seriously not care about what people think of you, or not care if you belong to a certain tribe anymore. In the end, it’s only you and what you have to live with. Eating consciously, ethically, healthfully and joyfully is what’s important. Treat the earth, people and animals and plants with respect, and you’ll do fine. You’re eating better than 80% of the North American population. Just do what you need to do so that you can live well. Check out Nourishing Wisdom by Marc David if you ever have time… : ) Forget the naysayers and the shaming, and even the little cheerleaders who try to encourage you to stay the course (Veganism) – they have their own journeys to work on. Good for you for listening to your body, and who knows you? You might be Vegan again in the future, you might not, but it’s up to you to decide, no one else has that right.

  157. Astonishing-

    I’ve been feeling the guilt over the last year as I’ve “secretly” started to re-incorporate some veg but non-vegan foods back into my diet. Refreshing to read your experience. You’re right: Labels are dangerous. So much to live up to and so much policing. You’ve liberated me!

    Thanks you and I hope you enjoy your journey!

    Alice

  158. I also just wanted to say that I think you are brave and inspirational for posting this and realizing that some of the decisions you were making were not the best for YOU. Although it is true (reference some of the negative comments on People) that it is possible to be healthy while maintaining a vegan diet, it is not possible for everyone. I have struggled with eating disorders for years and am susceptible to becoming completely all-consumed with how to be “healthy” (particularly through eating and exercise). While I have been tempted in the past to become a vegan, I know that it would be slippery slope for me, leading to too much restriction and/or obsession; for this reason I also don’t exercise every day (I definitely have an addictive personality and once I start, I can’t stop….). I wish you all the best in finding the perfect balance in your life.

  159. Hi Jordan,

    I read an article about you on HelloGiggles recently and I just wanted to tell you (like everyone else seems to be!) how much I admire your bravery and strength to face something like this and share your experience with us. I had actually never heard of your blog before but I sure will be following it now.

    I am a vegetarian myself and try to eat as organic, fresh and local as I can. I’ve toyed with veganism, dairy-free and raw food in the past but it’s never felt ‘right’. Maybe I’m not doing it right, maybe it isn’t right for me. Who knows! We’re all learning and we’ll all continue to learn about our bodies as we grow, change and develop throughout our lives. Through my toying with different diets, I’ve also experienced the dangers of labelling. You’re doing the best thing you can possibly do by listening to your body and acting upon it. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you but you have so much support and respect from people all over the world, strangers and friends alike. You’re not alone.

    You’re a huge inspiration and I wish you all the best in your recovery.

    I look forward to reading more of your blog posts. Keep up the great work :)

    Natasha xox

  160. Jordan, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, my goodness. I hope you continue to feel better—none of us deserves to be in pain and suffering!

    I am surprised nobody referred you to Jack Norris RD yet. He pretty much specializes in helping folks when they’re not thriving on a vegan diet for some reason. (And I know you have a nutritionist already, and I understand it wasn’t vegan eating per se that caused problems for you, it was your orthorexia—but you still might want to consult Jack. He’ll be happy to help if he can.)

    Here is Jack’s contact page: http://jacknorrisrd.com/contact_form.php

    Much love to you, dear. We’re all on a journey, aren’t we! May we all show one another compassion, as we strive to build a more compassionate world.

  161. Congratulations to you for choosing to take ownership for your own journey. Do what makes you feel good. You are whole. Nourish that wholesome spirit with positive food, positive energy, and positive people. Encourage the best from yourself. Encourage the best from others. May the light that is in you shine outward as you nourish your spirit in the best way that works for you. Health is a personal journey. Own it. Feel it. Live it. Positive energies coming your way as you navigate the difficulties that come with eating disorders. Peace with you as you wrestle with those food struggles.

  162. Hi Jordan,

    Just do what’s right for you, listen to your body.

    I have been a semi-vegetarian for over 30 years now, and love the foods I eat,
    and still sometimes get off track with what I know I ‘should be’ doing.

    Just a quick tip, if you haven’t checked it out yet, please do look into
    Spirulina as a supplement. I’m sure it would fit with your current regime,
    and you will feel a lot better for taking it.

    I wish you all the best, eat what you need to and let go of guilt.

    Best wishes on your journey, Will.

  163. It’s not the vegan diet that failed you, it’s the fact that you were simply starving yourself! Lol fruit is your friend, not the enemy. If you ate as much fruit as you craved and desired all day every day, you would be feeling great. The brain and heart and every cell runs off of sugar. I don’t think that eating fish and eggs are gonna fix that for you. Fill up on fruit in the day with leafy greens for protein and cooked starches at night. It’s not very restrictive at all. I understand you were craving sugar as well, so listen to your body and eat the fruit, not the fish and eggs. Anyone who starves themselves is going to get sick. Please don’t make this about the Vegan diet not working for you. Try it again with TONS of fruit, them get back to us.

    • Jacqueline,
      Are you trying to kill people? Are you actually advocating turning someone into a diabetic? Fruit is Fructose=sugar. Fruit is sugar. Your liver stores a certain amount of sugar for as needed by the body.

      You Vegans/Vegetarians are going to lose muscle and get really sick (eventually) if you don’t get enough animal fat and protein. Which is absorbed by the body differently than plant protein. Old people tend to not eat protein because meat is expensive. And their muscles waste away. Every cell in your body needs fat. But people don’t eat fat because they’ve been frightened away by fad diets and potentially beautiful bodies. Eating fat does not make you fat, it makes you healthy. Your cells need to remain pliable in order to absorb nutrients.

      Get off the gluten grains. No soy. No corn. No dairy. These are the big 4 that can and do cause bodily harm, in all animals (except birds/chickens). Grains are what makes our dogs/cats sick. And absolutely avoid anything genetically modified (GM/GMO). I just learned that even some potatoes are genetically modified. Sheessh!

      I’m a 68 yr old Paleo eating woman. I eat lots of veggies (cooked and raw), little fruit (berries), plenty of meat and protein, plus loads of good fats like lard, tallow, butter, coconut oil, and cold olive oils. Once in awhile I eat rice or potatoes. Eat only organic!! I could not farm (large gardens and many animals) 7 days a week all year long, if I did not eat like this. I have loads of energy and rarely get hungry. My skin is smooth and not wrinkled. I have lots of muscle from eating protein. My “Labs” are spectacular…cholesterol perfect, blood pressure just right, and my body is lacking nothing. I rarely take supplements. Best of all…I don’t get colds or flu’s. I attribute this to my daily intake of my home made probiotics (fermented veggies).

      My 96 yr old mum in law lives next door. She does all her own house keeping, laundry, builds her own fires, cooks all her own meals, and tends her chickens. She takes NO medications at all!! None of us take medications. I do drive for her.

      I don’t have to use deodorant. Nor would I if I needed it. There’s only a few ways that toxins exit the body: coughing, sweating, sneezing, vomit, diarrhea, urine, etc. And what do we do? We plug us up or take OTC drugs to stop all those natural processes.

      Listen to the people who use a system that actually works.

  164. I was on a weight loss diet a couple of years ago – counting calories etc. Following rules, not what my body was telling me. I had less than 10kgs (20lbs) to lose, and I did that – but then started to develop disordered eating habits. I started binge eating & even skipping meals so I could snack on junk & still come in under the calorie target.
    I have since changed my whole perspective – I eat what I want when I am hungry, and stop as soon as I am satisfied. Listening to my body, because she knows best. I still aim for mostly plant food (eat food: not too much, mostly plants) but don’t deprive myself or beat myself up.

    You are brave. Some who follow eating regimes can be quite nasty & judgemental – ignore them, and do what is right for you.

  165. Pingback: The Blonde Vegan's unhealthy obsession takes its toll | Dream Diet

  166. Pingback: Popular vegan blogger admits eating disorder | Dream Diet

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  169. Hi Jordan,

    I saw your story vie Hello Giggles. A dear friend and I were having a talk last night about labels in eating habits/choices and what a negative effect they can have. Most of us go through life wanting to make sense of who people are and what they are about – that’s tricky without putting people into a box that seeks to define them! But we are so much more than that, every one of us is a unique being. I eat and live in a way that restricts all animal products – I don’t eat meat, don’t eat seafood, very rarely eat dairy and rarely eat eggs. I only buy products which haven’t been tested on animals or contain animal ingredients. I live in such a way that I try to be as gentle as I can to fellow humans, animals and the planet. To me, I feel it is far better that someone like you who is evidently caring and conscientious does what they can to be healthy, whilst being mindful of suffering and the effects of their actions, so that you have a long life of fighting your cause and inspiring people.

    The militant attitude is fine – each to their own. Also, if someone is successfully healthy and 100% vegan their whole life, well done to them. We are not all perfect, but we are trying to do our bit. Many people feel just trying isn’t good enough, but I wish they would pursue the people who aren’t trying at all rather than those who are doing their best. You tried, it didn’t work for your body, you listened, you changed. Well done and thank you for your honesty. None of us are perfect, but we can all try to live as gently as possible.

    H xxx

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  171. Pingback: What The Blonde Vegan & Carrie On Vegan Can Teach Us About Eating Healthfully - it doesn't taste like chicken

  172. Andrea Cox knows what you are going thru and has experience with
    eating dis-orders. She writes:
    “let her know I wrote a book on how to heal yourself
    from an eating disorder with a raw way of life”

    What you are experiencing is not new, and if you have the commitment you
    can slide right through and continue to eat a plant based diet and
    not depend on the exploitation of animals to get and be healthy.

    Also, Erin Elizabeth has a website and can help you out with what you are
    going through – it is a test of your resolve as it is very possible
    and known to be practical to be a vegan and be very healthy.

    You are just going through some doubts and the people in your circles
    really don’t have the experience and knowledge you need.

    Most humans did not grown up vegan, so it is not really intuative
    on the steps you need to do.

    Please don’t give up on your path of a cruelty free lifestyle.

  173. Pingback: Did You Become Vegetarian Because of Your Eating Disorder? - Happy Food, Healthy Life

  174. Pingback: Kristine Rudolph » Rules, Regulations & White Potatoes

  175. Can’t understand all this cheering. The only brave, inspiring and extremely positive thing here is that you have realised to get some help concerning your presumable eating disorder. Hope you’ll get better. But there’s no magical ANIMAL INGREDIENT on this planet that an average human being would NEED to consume to feel good and healthy.
    Veganism isn’t about labels, it isn’t about restriction or trying to be above or better than everyone else. If that’s the way one feels they’ve probably gone vegan for all the wrong reasons in the first place. (I’m not an active reader of your blog so can’t know your reasons). Veganism should be considered as the one smart enough and reasonable enough way to be for a conscious, emphatic, non-egocentric human being living in this modern world. But it’s not meant to be something to stress out on either. Noone says it’s always easy or fun at this point of time, occasionally not being able to eat out etc. but things will never change if there’s no one to struggle through it all. Personally I don’t even find it as a struggle because I couldn’t stand living in denial of all the things I’ve heard and seen. How could that ever make anyone feel happy and in balance?
    There’s no such thing as organic/sustainable/”happy” animal products to eat out there. The only happy animal product for a human there is is the one you feed your own (or someone else’s if you/they will) baby with, due to your own choice.

  176. Thank you sooo much for speaking out. You have listened to your body and taken back your health. Being Vegan is wonderful, when it works. What is truly wonderful is eating wholesome healthy food of all kinds that serve your body. Some humans need concentrated proteins and we all need good fats to survive. Do you follow Emily Rosen or the Institute for the Psychology of Eating? I am a certified eating psychology coach and they have wonderful information on developing a nourishing approach to food and body.

    • Hi there! I noticed you said that you are a certified eating psychology coach….can you tell me more about this? I have a degree in psychology, and I’m extremely interested in nutrition and have been wondering how to combine the two or if that’s even possible! I’ve never heard anyone mention an eating coach, so I’d love more info! Thanks so much!!!

      Sarah

  177. Thanks so much for sharing your story and your struggles with your readers! I’m brand new to your blog, but I love that you are going to bring more eggs and fish recipes into your blog since I try to eat mainly a Paleo diet. I noticed that others suggested Blonde & Balanced for your new blog name, but what about “The Balanced Blonde”? That way, you still keep with your original theme. I think your story will inspire so many others who are struggling with disordered eating as well…not enough people talk about their struggles, so many people just suffer in silence. You did a very brave thing sharing your experience, and I wish you the best!

  178. Wow Jordan – what a gift you have given to others in this post. Thank you for Being Courageous and speaking your truth! It’s so important for everyone to really listen to our own bodies for what it needs – the practice of Mindful or Intuitive Eating rather than rules and restrictions. Props to you for seeking out support with a therapist as you begin to unravel the Orthorexia. Supporting you in reconnecting to your body and finding balance.

  179. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I was a vegetarian for six years until I realized I was craving black beans/protein around midnight every night. I was lacking protein and natural fat in my diet and it was starting to take a toll on my health! I now eat a pescetarian diet and it was one of the best choices I made. I tend to eat vegan a lot of the time, but find that moderate levels of “other stuff” makes me feel great. Good luck in your journey!

  180. Hey Jordan!
    Kudos to you for making healthy changes to your diet! I was in a similar situation to yours almost all of last year, when I became so afraid of gluten, dairy, and sugar that I got into an unhealthy mindset and didn’t even know it. I was completely restricting myself from the foods I used to enjoy and convincing myself it was healthy. I ended up dropping 12 unnecessary pounds in two and a half months and scaring the life out of my ballet teachers and my family. Today, like you, I’m working on being healthier by truly listening to my body. I know how scary it can be to let yourself go sometimes! I’m so happy to have found your blog. It’s great and I can’t wait to try out your recipes! Good luck and awesome job on overcoming your fears….you’re an inspiration to me and other people out there who struggle with orthorexia.

  181. Pingback: 10 Ways to Recognize Orthorexia

  182. Thank you Jordan. I am like you. I have been like you in many different formats for the last 10 years, but didn’t realise until I read your post. Thank you for your honesty and for being brave enough to step away from the paleo, raw vegan, fruitarian, 80/20 etc lifestyle labels that we tend to use as an identity and remind me that I need to listen to my internal cues rather than follow a strict set of rules to be healthy. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulder. Here’s to a healthy mind and body!!

  183. lets start buy saying i am not a vegan nor a vegetarian but when i read an article where some on has to make a change in there life and then they get bullied about it gets my blood boiling it takes a little minded people to sit behind a computer and make threats on some one so to all the bullies i live in Renfrew Ontario Canada come here and try bullying me

  184. This is a topic of great interest to me. I’ve got some body dysmorphia issues — doesn’t stop me overeating, just means I’m weird about it — and I’ve been an ovo/lacto vegetarian since the mid-1980s (independent of the body issues).

    I can say with absolute confidence that vegetarianism is a good thing which deprives a body of nothing. Veganism is different, because it’s not how our bodies have evolved to eat. Over the years I’ve stopped eating eggs-as-eggs; I eat them if they’re an ingredient, not a dish. But even then I will sometimes have an omelet if I’m traveling. I travel a lot, and there are a lot of places in the world where you simply cannot find non-ovo food, let alone vegan food. I’ll feel sort of queasy about it, but you gotta eat something.

    With dairy, I’ve found the thing that doesn’t work for me is straight milk products, like milk or cream. Not really that it has an effect on my body, but it bothers my mind. If it’s been metabolized somehow (cheese, yogurt, even butter) I don’t have any trouble with it.

    All of which is to say I do believe we need to eat ethically and wisely, to go organic as often as possible, and to treat meat the way we treat an eclair — it’s a rare indulgence, if we have it at all. But we do need to introduce a variety of things into our diet, including all sorts of fats, and it’s a good idea not to eat within extremely rigid guidelines or it does become a kind of fetish. I haven’t eaten flesh of any kind in nearly thirty-five years, but I’ve eaten an incredible variety of stuff during that same period. Variety and flexibility seem to be the things our bodies are designed for.

    Best of luck on your food journey. Never regret a learning process if it means you have learned!

  185. Pingback: Vegan Blogger’s Unusual Eating Disorder Shocks Followers | Word Everyday News

  186. I resonate with you 100% on this!! Thank you so much for being so open about your experiences. I feel the same way. Often I am groggy and moody- I used to feel like I was buzzing all over the place but the amazing raw vegan foods aren’t doing it for me anymore. I have ignored my bodies signals long enough as well. I so apreciate you :) <3 much love. Keep up the good work
    xoxo
    the sustainable brunette ;)

  187. I truly appreciate your honesty and humility in this blog post. I, myself, have been struggling with the whole “label” thing for awhile. I have had stomach issues for many years now and I have been a pescetarian for a few years and have been considering becoming vegan. I’ve been trying on the vegan diet for size and have been trying to keep a mostly plant based diet. I find myself feeling guilty if I eat fish, eggs or dairy because I feel that I am not being true to this attempt at veganism, but you are absolutely right, I have to listen to my body. Thank you again for everything you said in this post.

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